I know, I know. I disappeared. I didn't call, I didn't write. I gave no explanation for my absence. I am an asshole. I fell down the big ole rabbit hole and I have just finally clawed my way out. The internet is a funny place. You never know how popular you are until you're gone. I'm surprised no one wrote my obituary and posted it on their blog:
"There once live a gal named Serena. She liked sex, shoes and fabulous bread. She is donating her vibrator collection to a handful of single gals who have yet to find a good man."
For the record, I'm not longer at Satan's Workshop. I left. Not for bad reasons, but for good. And in the future, I will not be discussing work. Not because I don't want to. But, because I have been threatened with certain death. Seriously, the words "certain" and "death" were uttered in a single sentence. Ever the sassy chick, I quashed the urge to ask how this death sentence would be carried out. But, the point was made loud and clear. Talk = Death.
For all of you wondering about Partner #3 and his reaction to my leaving...it's all good. He wished me well and even gave me a hug. As you know, I am not a hugger. But, I completed the ritual with good faith. It was an uncomfortable, lean in, quick pat on the back and make sure the mid to lower bodies don't touch. He calls me now and then to see how I'm doing. The black-hearted bastard actually has a soul. But, I know the real truth. He misses me. Where else will he find an assistant as crazy as me?
I fired the Wax Nazi. She was getting too weird. It was making my VaJayJay stressed and no one likes a stressed vagina. I have found a wonderful new person to tend to my ladybits. She's fabulous, she's wonderful and she doesn't stress me out. She also does this really interesting thing where I spread my cheeks....sorry. I should ease you in. It's been two months since my last post. Baby steps.
I saw Sex and the City 2. I was disappointed. I know its blasphamy. But, there wasn't a single good sex scene in the entire film. We got a partial guy frontal with a hint of penis in the first movie. What gives????
So there you go, lovers. I'm back. Get ready. I've had two months to work on material.