Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Random Tuesday

My 22 year old sister has started this phase where she greets people with derogatory terms like "slut, bitch or whore". It's all in jest, but she's started to do it to me. I don't mind, 'cuz I love to call my close friends and leave messages starting with "Hey, lover" or "Hey Hooker". If I insult you it means I really, really love you. She may think she's cute, but she doesn't know she's dealing with the Mistress of Harassment. Just wait 'til Christmas when I will only refer to her as Meat Popsicle Lover. Who's funny now???

I don't have my own kid, but I like to be a roll model for others kids. It was a proud moment when I "accidentally" taught my 2 1/2 year old nephew the word "fart" on Thanksgiving. He ran around for the rest of the day, screaming at the top of his lungs "I didn't poop. I FARTED."

Speaking of farts, why do guys fart when they pee? And why do they stop mid-stream to do it? Are they afraid there might be some sort of reverse pressure and they'll blow out the end of their penis?

I've always wanted a nickname. People call me the shortened version of my given name, but I long for an interesting pet name. It's not like I can come up with one myself and hope people start using it. Oh well.

I realize I've been slacking with my writing. I have 15 posts just waiting to be finished. I've got some great ones. I'm just experiencing a little writers block. I also need someone to add a few more hours to the day. Who the hell thought 24 hours was enough? Come on! 27 is just as nice.

I've added Fergie to my list of Celebrities That Make Me Puke.

That's a wrap, lovers.


  1. The piss-fart thing is a closely guarded secret.

  2. Fart is one of the first words my kids learn. In two languages. Just after poo and pee, and just before snot. Essential words, them!

    (They also get the choice afterwards of saying "excuse me" or "that was a good one." To this day, I don't get why they always say "excuse me.")

  3. I have the same pants problem with Mr. Peach Tart.

  4. My husband wanders around in long johns...yep, some women have all the luck.

  5. 26 years of marriage and I didn't even know about the pee/fart thing but then my husband wouldn't take off his boxers without turning the lights off for the first 3 years. Those Irish Catholic boys, they are so modest.

  6. Meh. Some people take off their shoes, our men take off their pants. I'll never understand it.

    I was kind of counting on Badass Geek to explain the piss-fart thing. I'm feeling very let down right now.

  7. Whoa whoa whoa...

    first of all, what guy STOPS PEEING to fart? That is unheard of. I fart when I pee but I never stop the stream. That would just be painful. As far as I know, men do not stop peeing just to fart. I think you need to do further research.

    Second, I absolutely fucking LOVE that Big K does the pants routine. I'm the same way. As soon as I walk in the door I'm shedding clothing left and right. And I don't want to pick it up and put it away. I just want out of my work clothes.

    Good man.