My husband is a pig. Really. I wouldn't lie to you. He is one of the more perverse men I know. Which is why I love him dearly and relish his unique charms and faaaaabulous skills. But sometimes he annoys the ever lovin' shit outta me with his obsession with lesbians. Really. I wouldn't lie to you.
Just like most red-blooded heterosexual men, my husband loves lesbians. Lesbian porn, the thought of lesbians, the thought of ME with the lesbians...I could go on forever. Every single time I tell him about a night out with the girls, he always like to throw in a little extra thought:
Me: So we hung out at Shanna's house, had a few glasses of wine and chatted.
Him: Then you guys all went down on each other?
It's all in good fun, but he never gets it right. None of my friends are lesbians. We don't go down on each other and if one of us happens to get naked, it's because we're trying on clothes.....in a dressing room....at a store. In addition to that, The Husband doesn't find any of my friends attractive. So, even if they were lesbians, his fantasy would be ruined.
Until last week.....
Last week, I had the fortunate pleasure to dine with Ms. Stuck On Cape Cod and her lovely friend...let's call her the Opera Singer. We all had lunch at Bleu in Mashpee. This was the first time I'd met Ms. SSOC. We'd connected thru blogging/Facebook and set up a time to meet. She is adorable, funny, and super classy in an Audrey Hepburn way. We had interesting talks (I'm not sharing, it was girl talk....but some of it had to do with sex....ok....most of it). After going thru the introductions and talking about a few scandalous topics, I came to find out the Opera Singer....let me rephrase that....The Gorgeous Opera Singer...is a lesbian.
Well, this was great! Obviously, this news doesn't affect me at all. I digest that information like someone telling me their zodiac sign, religion, or favorite shade of green. BUT, The Husband, he was going to be over the moon. Finally, his wish came true. One of my girl get-togethers included one of his favorite things....a hot, sexy lesbian.
I told him as soon as I got home. He spent the next 30 minutes Googling her YouTube video's and articles written about her. Then, I told him nothing exciting happened. All we did was drink champagne, eat lunch, chat about sex and check out some clothing at the Gap until we said our goodbyes. No one went down on anyone. There wasn't even a good french kiss.
He seems disappointed, but not totally deflated. Part of his fantasy had come true.