Dusty McFly is on my shit list. Here is the reason why:
Sunday mornings are sacred. It is the day that Big K and I snuggle up and sleep in until whenever we want. Sometimes, I might bounce out of bed a bit early in the summer to bronze myself naked on the back porch with my book. Some days, I might put on Food Network and the dogs will jump on the bed to lay all over our feet. It's a day of rest and relaxation. So, imagine my surprise when my home phone rang at 10:30. I have a strict Do-no-call-me-before-noon-on-Sunday-or-I-will-hunt-you-down-and-kill-you policy that even my mother adheres to. Big K shot a hand out of the covers, grabbed the phone from his nightstand and tossed it towards me. With bleary eyes I read the number off the caller ID. It looked familiar, but in my sleepy haze, I couldn't place it. I answered with a grunt.
Person: "Hello? Can I speak to _______" Totally butchering my last name which is insanely long and impossible to pronounce.
Person who turned out to be Dusty McFly: "Are you still in bed? It's 10:30"
Me: "MmHhh.....What do you want?"
Dusty McFly: "Partner 3 wants to know if you want anything from Starbucks? He told me to call you."
Dusty McFly: "I'm just kidding. I need you to tell me how to use the alarm code for the office building. I know you have already showed me, but I forget"
I rattled off the alarm procedure which is embedded in my mind and promptly hung up on him. I was pissed!!!
Big K was pissed too because his peaceful slumber had been disturbed. Now, I had to endure his long, drawn out speech on how I was so underpaid, I shouldn't deal with that shit, and there is no fucking reason that someone should be calling me on a weekend, especially a Sunday with mundane shit. That argument is all true, but I'm a big pussy.
I usually get calls on Saturdays from my guys. Partner 3 calls me every time he thinks of a new idea or if he breaks a nail. I'm use to it and I just deal. But, calling me on a Sunday.....at home....this was a deal breaker.
After listening to Big K drone on and on about the lack of respect they have for me ...blah..blah..blah...I walked down to the kitchen to check my cell. I figured if Dusty had tried my cell first, that might redeem him a bit. Nope! No missed call. He had just gone for my home number. He was a dead man.
Monday morning I dragged him into my office, sat him down and told him that the only reason he was to call me at home....on any day....was if he had a valuable appendage ripped off his body, if he was on fire, someone else was on fire, or if the office was on fire. Anything else should be forwarded to my cell. If I don't answer, leave a message. If I declare the request worthy of a response on my Sacred Day of Doing Nothing, I will return the call. These terms were non-negotiable and if not followed I would chop off his balls and keep them in a jar on my desk.
My Monday also consisted of being pissed off at one of the P's (that's one of the partners, but I don't want to identify because they sometimes read my blog. I'll just let them guess which one of them is wrecking my life this week) I sat in my office in a rage, staring out the window making a visual voodoo doll in my head and poking at it with pins. Sometime the P's step over the line just a hair and make my life a living hell with a "grand" new idea. This one is starting on Friday, makes more than I do and will complicate my life enormously.
Another P annoyed me by cancelling a meeting for the third time at 6pm as I'm preparing to walk out the door. Seriously folks, I had my coat on, the lights were off in my office and I was three feet from the front door. I had to go back to my office, switch everything on and make phone call after phone call to everyone involved. This was the third time I had done this and everyone was pissed. They never seem to remember that I'm just the messenger and the rotten P is the guy who cancelled.
I drove home listening to angry rock music, cursing the two P's. The third P is being sympathetic, but I'm still enraged.
"Hello...Help Wanted Ads? Do you know anyone who needs a really intelligent, extremely computer literate, very overqualified employee who has a fun personality, can deal with immense pressure but only wants to work in an all male environment? Please help me!"
I'm just kidding...but I'm still mad. P's....you need to give me some love....NOW!!!