Monday, November 9, 2009

Move Over Mona Lisa. My Body's For Sale.

All my life, I've dreamt of having classy nude photos taken. In 11th grade, a bunch of us got together at the local state park and my friend Jonathan took semi-nude photos of us in our mothers (borrowed) lingerie and bikinis. We thought we were Playboy bunny material. Apparently, my friend Andy got a hold of the camera too and I was surprised to find a photo of him with a ginormous boner as I was flipping thru our sex kitten poses. I wonder if I still have those photos?? But, I digress....

I did Glamour Shots when I was 20. I laughed my ass off when I got the photos back. My "sexy pout" looked ridiculous and my "bedroom eyes" made me look like a stoner who'd just come off a weekend bender. It became clear to me, I was not photogenic. I'm the kind of person who can take an excellent "grab the person next to me's boobs and stick my tongue out" shot. But I will never make the cover of Cosmo.

Living on Cape Cod surrounds you with artists. They're everywhere. You cannot drive a 1/4 mile without passing a gallery. The gallery may be a tiny house or a barn, but the artist in residence may be quite famous and has done shows all over the country. The fabulous artist Sarah Holl ( is in my yoga class and has also become a great friend. She is bohemian chic with a heart of pure gold. Her gallery and home make me green with envy. She's one of those people who buy everything at yard sales and can make a room look like is just danced off the pages of a magazine. I sat down in a chair the other day and said "This is awesome. Where did you get it". "Oh, I got it for $5 at an auction", she said. In her house, it looks like a classic antique.

Imagine my surprise, when she approached me last March (before we became friends) and said "Would you consider posing for me sometime?"

Duh? Pose? ME????? An artist (an uber fabulous one at that) wants to paint me???

After I picked my jaw up off the floor and rolled up my tongue, I said, "Sure!".

"You'll get naked, right" she said.

Naked??? Hmmmmm. The thought rolled around in my head. This wasn't fooling around in high school or posing for silly photos at a hair salon. This was the real thing. This was a real painting. This painting would be sold in a gallery. THIS PAINTING WOULD BE HANGING ON SOME STRANGERS WALL!!! Now, that was something! Then, the thought hit me. I was really going to do this. I would be naked in front of a person. A person who sees naked bodies all the time and judges them for their beauty. I don't even like getting undressed in front of women at the gym. Hell, I don't even get naked in front of my mother!!

My desire to do something incredible battled with my horribly low self-esteem. Sarah's paintings feature beautiful bodies with full breasts and gorgeous curves. My body was muscular with tiny ta-ta's. What if I took my clothes off and she didn't get what she'd hoped was under my yoga clothes? What if she was disappointed?

On Saturday, I tucked what little self-esteem I have under my belt and took it all off. For two hours and four paintings, I was in my birthday suit. Dollface even came over to hang out and watch me break my nakedness virginity. I was totally naked in front of 2 women and I didn't care.

Here I am, in all my glory.

She made me look beautiful. Of course, after I said that, she gathered up her tiny, 5 foot frame and furiously shouted at me "Will you SHUT UP! You are beautiful" She likes my bum. Apparently, I have a very cute bottom.

The paintings aren't finished yet. Although, I don't know how she could make it any better. The other 3 have more boob and one is a full frontal. Don't even ask. I will not post them. I'm still trying to get use to the idea of being immortalize......naked.......on canvas.

I'm very proud of myself, I'm gloating a bit and feeling a little giddy at the same time. I keep looking at the picture and thinking "Holy shit! I'm naked!!" I wonder. Would it be inappropriate for me to make this my office computer screen saver and wallpaper? I've already put it on my phone. I just can't stop looking at myself naked.


  1. gorgeous painting!!!!! you are beautiful...
    you see in ways from photographs but look at the curve of your body the lines that your bones make to your fingerstips.. that my dear is true art in itself.. much hugs! :")

  2. You do have a cute butt! And a cute little foot sticking out on the side. I'm not photogenic at all. Ugh.

  3. That is the coolest thing ever to do. And so gorgeous! Awesome.

  4. Good for you for having the guts to do that. Even if I had the perfect body, I don't think I could.

  5. Isn't it great? I posed for an artist about 30 years ago when I was 20. There is a statue is a park in Seattle that is me. Of course, you would never know it since it is an abstract.

    PS: you are very beautiful. She didn't have to work hard to make you look that way.

  6. I would never have the guts, I'm totally in awe. And that is an awesome painting. Good model, good artist...great combination!

  7. I'm shooting a short video and I'd like you to be in it. The screenplay is about a naked woman who answers the door for the pizza GIRL and the relationship that develops. And, by relationship, I mean sex. Interested?


  8. How COOL is THAT!!!!! Gorgeous!!

    I, too, suck at posing for photos. Maybe I should get myself painted instead ;)