Tuesday, November 17, 2009

RTT - Wax, Lap Dances and Urine Stains.

I know I've been terrible about posting to my blog and reading blogs lately. I hope to get back into the swing of things next week. Some time it feels like everyone needs my attention lately. I'm just so popular.

Can everyone agree with me Lindsey Lohan needs help. The girl is a walking time bomb. It's time we staged an intervention. Who's with me?

In the past year, I have embraced technology and given up my handwritten datebook/phonebook for my Crackberry. One problem - when the battery dies (this happens at least twice a week) and I don't have a charger handy, I have no idea where I'm suppose to be and I'm unable to contact anyone because their phone number is stuck in the dead Crackberry.

One of the hottest new toys for the holidays is the Crayola Crayon Maker. Who was the genius that thought this up? I can already see the lawsuits. Do you really want your children melting wax? What were they thinking? Although, I remember doing this as a kid with a Bic lighter. I also ruined one of my mothers saucepans trying to melt them over the stove.

Today is Fancy Pant's birthday. I made the guys sing Happy Birthday as I sashayed into the weekly staff meeting with a plate of cupcakes. Then I proceed to sit on his lap during the song. I fear I may have set a precedent and will have to perform this show for others on their birthday.

If I'm sitting at my desk and one of the guys enters my office, I'm just about eye level with their waist. Of course, my eyes immediately stray to the crotch area. I don't linger, I just glance. Lately, I have noticed a few light, circular marks on their pants around said area. It only took me a few minutes to realize what it was. Apparently, my guys are really busy. They have become one shake men.....too busy for the follow up jingle. Of course, I had to comment. It was too fabulous and gross not too. I don't think anyone else would have noticed. But, I'm a crotch watcher.

You know how I use to complain about my lack of female friends? Well, I've got a few now. Can I just tell you ---- WOMEN ARE CRAZY!!! Why do they call you all the time? What's with all the problems? Why do we have to go over the problems again and again and AGAIN! I'm exhausted. But, I love them. But, I'm still exhausted.

I friended my Dad on Facebook. If you and I are friends, please say something provocative and scandleous on my Wall. I want to torment him. He loves me to pieces but just doesn't understand me.

Speaking of Facebook, what's with all the crazy games like Farmville. People keep trying to give me sheep and turtles. Or they tell me they found a lost cow somewhere. I don't get it.

That's a wrap lovers!


  1. I want to know what they said when you mentioned the pee stains!

  2. On my birthday, will you sit on my lap?

  3. I can't wait to hear about you sitting on Partner #3's lap. Muahahaha. And yeah, what'd they say when you told them about the stains on their pants?

    Off to think of something provocative to say on your wall. Maybe I'll just post a pic of my boobs :)

  4. Could have been worse. You could have given him a lap dance. Now that would be awkward. I call my boys on pee spots every time. Someone has to.

  5. Wondering why I'm not your friend on FB....
    I used to use my moms old candy molds to melt my crayons into flowers and stuff like that. Good times! My niece wants the little oven that melts candy into jewelry shapes. But it's still candy? lol

  6. Women are insane. I've never had women friends until recently and have weeded them down to two sane ones and one crazy.