Tuesday, November 24, 2009

RTT - Levi's Penis and Non-Perky Nipples

I have never seen "When Harry Met Sally". I know, I know. It's tragic. The one non-porn movie featuring a public orgasm and I've never seen it.

All this fuss about Levi Johnson posing for Playgirl and he's not going to do a full frontal. I bet he's embarrassed because he has a limp noodle. Come on Levi, man up! Let us see your thang.

**Note on above**Just so you know, I really don't care about seeing Levi's doodle and I wouldn't spend the money on the magazine. I just love me some scandal, ya know?

I forgot to tell you all that I posed nude for for Sarah Holls (famous artist/friend) figure drawing class. 13 people painted me as I stood naked in the center of the room on a platform. It was an amazing experience. I felt like some kind of goddess being worshiped. Modeling is hard work. I had to do three 20 minute sittings with a 10 minute break in between. 5 minutes into the pose and my hands and feet were falling asleep. I was also embarrassed because my nipples wouldn't cooperate. My Ta-Ta's may be boring, but I have adorable nipples. Normally, they perk right up. But, that night they decided to be dull and flat. I felt it would have been in poor taste to say, "Hang on guys. Let me pinch these up for you".

Sarah is just finishing up the paintings she did of me. One of them is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. Now, if someone has an extra $2000 and wants to buy it for me for Christmas, I'll be your slave. I got even more validation when she asked me if I could model for her again. She wants more paintings. It's my butt. I have the bootie everyone wants to paint.

I believe I am the only person in the world who hasn't seen/read "Twilight" or "New Moon". Seriously, I just don't have the interest. I also think Rob Pattinson is creepy and he always looks hungover and stoned. (He probably is) He also looks like he might be kinda smelly. You know how some guys just look stinky. Well, to me he looks like he could be malodorous. Something akin to unwashed, sweaty man. All these girls keeping begging him to bite them. Um...Ewww.

As if getting in shape and oogling men wasn't a good enough reason to go to the gym. The National Guard, Army, Navy and Marine recruiting offices have leased space next to my gym. Sometimes the guys play football in the parking lot when they're bored.....in their fatigues. I have a serious problem with men in uniform. The problem is: I wish to mount them.

I hate buying tampons. I always buy a few items that I don't necessarily need because I feel they take the focus off the little box sitting on the cashiers belt screaming "Hey, look at her!! She's on the rag! She's moody, homicidal and bloated. Irritate her, please!!! SHE HAS HER P-E-R-I-O-D!!!!"

Speaking of periods, Dollface and I spend so much time together (we work out at the gym 6 days a week) that our periods have synced up. I'm sure this will make for an extra intense Combat class this week. Nothing like having two crazy hormonal women punching, kicking and screaming.

That's a wrap, lovers. Stay loose.

6 comments:

  1. It's too cool that you are doing all the nude posing. Must be an amazing experience. I have also not seen or read any Twilight stuff. I'm wondering if I should find out what the fuss is about, but then I did that with the Da Vinci Code, and that was a couple of hours I'll never get back.

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  2. Sooooo no paintings of you pinching your nipples eh? Poor art students...they probably feel a bit deprived now.

    I love that you're doing all this posing...is it good for the self esteem when you see the finished product? Is it nerve wracking standing/sitting there with it all hanging out?

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  3. I have never posed for a group. When I pose nude it was for one artist and damn the sex afterward was unbelievable. Wait, was that TMI?

    I also have never read Twilight or New Moon. I just don't see the need.

    You and Dollface are now one with the universe. Congrats!

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  4. I've never read Twilight, but I was dragged to see the first movie when it came out. I weep for the shred of masculinity I lost that night.

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  5. What the hell dude, people want to paint you naked repeatedly? That's so damn cool.

    For the record, I have not and will not read or watch any Twilight related things. Let's stand firm on this, ok?

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  6. I got 50 pages into the first Twilight book and quit. It's simply too high school for me, and if vamps aren't having hot sex, then there's really not much of a point!!

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