Last night, I was going through my fan mail (all 6 of them) and I received a lovely little email from a new fan:
Hiya - Was browsing Craigslist today and found a posting commenting on your blog
Anyway , I'm enjoying your ' views ' despite the negative comments from the CL poster. - Random guy from the upper cape.
I just had to hustle my fanny over to Craiglist and see what it was all about. Well, apparently someones not to happy with me:
The girl or Nasty Ho that writes this blog is soooooo discusting. What a dirty person. Go check it out for youself. I wish I could shut down her blogs. She does a dis-service to woman. Gross Pig. I bet she is gross! Yeah some diamond in the rough......some potential...Porn Industry???
Horrible spelling and punctuation aside (Ahem, spellcheck), someones a little fired up. But, I'm glad she thinks I have potential for the porn industry. Thanks sweetie! You're a peach. I'll call you when I get my big break. We'll do lunch.
After, I trekked over to my blog tracking page to see my numbers for the day were. Wouldn't you know it, that angry little skankpot is the best thing that's happened to me since the we-vibe website and I became BFF's. My hits are up 350% People are cruising around my blog, hungrily eating up my naughties.
And after that, I decided to check my comments page. Sure enough, Little Miss Nasty has been leaving me love notes. But, she's given me a bit more insight situation:
How could my boyfriend Jeff go to your webpage behind my back. You are a nasty Ho and truly tasteless...Ok I just answered my question as to why he goes to your page.
Okay, now we've gotten to the root of the crazy. There's a little jealousy mixed in.
Sweetie, I don't know you or Jeff. I just happen to be writing a blog and he's reading it. It's not like we're fucking. I may be vulgar, tasteless, naughty, crude, out-spoken annoying, whiny, horny, overly sexual, ready to kill a bunch of egotistical lawyers the drop of a hat, not a real blond, 10 pounds heavier than my ideal weight and, at the moment, fighting a monster craving for a Mounds Bar. But, a Ho - that's something I'm not. If I want to have my boots knocked, I call Big K. Did you ever think Jeff might be reading my page for some ideas? I talk about sex alot - likes, dislikes, positions etc. Maybe he reading to....I don't know....find a few tips to please you? Aren't you happy he's here, reading some random blog. He could be trolling the internet for midgets having sex in Jello while listening to Satanic verses. What are you gonna do if you catch him looking at Jenna Jameson porn? Are you gonna write her a letter calling her a Ho? She'd probably like that just as much as I liked getting your comments and care just as little. Oh, and don't diss the Wax Nazi. She's a Goddess. If you doubt her existence and my wonderful adventures with her, I will meet you anytime and introduce you. From the sounds of your frustration, you need an hour with her. She'll put you in your place.
Jeff, if you're out there, thanks for reading. You should know your girlfriend is a wackadoodle and she's snooping through your stuff. She has a gigantic stick in her ass and it needs to come out. Pronto! Give her some good lovin' and get her off my ass. If you've been a faithful reader, you should know how.