I Want To Be An Auntie Boozebag When I Grow Up

Life has not been kind to me lately, Lovers.  The office has been a drag and more often than not, I leave there cranky and two clicks away from full bitch. I have come to find solice in food (which explains my expanding tush) and cooking dinner has become a soothing sedative.

On the other hand, shopping for ingredients is a nightmare.  I LOVE Peterson's Market in Yarmouth Port.  Their butcher shop is first rate. Sure, the parking lot is kinda scary.  Some of the people there may need to revisit their driving test since the last one they took was in a horse and buggy. Including the old lady who drove thru the front doors a few months ago.  But, who doesn't like to play a game of Frogger (you're the frog) when going from your car to the front door - which has been expertly repaired and outfitted with those reinforced steel posts - just in case someone confuses the brake and the gas pedal again.

So, back to my foul mood.

I was strolling down the dairy aisle after picking up some Sweet Heat Sirloin Tips (Holy Lindsay Lohan they're good) and trying to remember if we needed orange juice.  (We did, I thought we didn't).  I decided the only way I was ever going to get out of my funk was a threesome with Ben & Jerry.  As I circled and headed Northeast towards the cooler where my boys were chilling, I heard the most infectious, cackling laugh followed by a smokey voice exclaiming "You've gotta see this."  I looked up to see a fabulously dressed woman holding a pint of ice cream and gesturing toward her friends - three equally fashionable ladies. (I have to note their appearance because it is a rarity to see a woman in her 50's or 60's, in Peterson's dressed in anything but a sweatsuit or a housecoat).  Smokey Voice showed the pint to her friends and they all began to laugh.  I peered up over the top of the cooler and smiled politely when our eyes met. 

She strode over to me and said "You just have to look at this."

I looked down at the pint (Ben & Jerry's, of course) and read the name of the flavor:

I looked back at her, wide eyed.

She said, "I know! You thought so too!" (EDITORS NOTE:  The name has been since changed to What a Cluster) Then she proceeded to laugh, her friends and then myself joining in with her.

Holding bottles of wine, the fabulous foursome meticulously scoured the cooler selection for the perfect flavor.  "Gay Head Ginger" by Cape Cod Creamery evoked another round of pealing laughter.  I eagerly joined the ruckus.  They told me they were were spending time together and had done this for years.  Their family referred to them as the "Auntie Boozebags".  They referred to themselves as the "The Contessas". 

I left the store with a smile on my face and a the proverbial bounce in my step. Ladies, you have renewed my faith in my future.  I have always feared my midlife - afraid I might become stale.  Thank you for brightening my day. Everytime I walk into the market, I listen for your laughter and hope to see your smiling faces.  To The Contessas (aka Auntie Boozebags), you are utterly fabulous and my idols.