The Art of Withholding

Last weekend I had a huge fight with The Husband.  As a norm, we don't fight.  We have "disagreements".  Generally, they are resolved quickly, with little to no yelling.  However, this latest was a doozy.  We were having a discussion. I mentioned I didn't want to talk about that subject on a weekend, he made some douchebag remarks, I followed up by instantly losing my mind and walking out the front door. We didn't speak for about 6 hours after which he called me to asked what we should do about dinner.  In our house, food trumps all issues. 

A few days later, I told my friend about the fight.  She instantly took my side. (After all, OF COURSE, I was right).  Then, she said, "I hope you really punished him....you know, didn't give it up."

"You mean, stop having sex?" I said. (I can be a bit dense sometimes and I need her to spell this out for me.)

"Yeah.  I always let him know I'm pissed by keeping the sex to myself." she said.

At that point, we were distracted by the waiter delivering lunch (SEE!! Food again.  It was a corn beef Reuben.  Nom Nom!)  But, it got me thinking about our crimes and the proper punishment.  If the art of withholding shows what we are feeling, should we withhold when we're mad?

We use sex as a weapon all the time.  I have flirted madly with a man to get him to do what I need. I've got mad skillz!  I bat my eyes, smile coyly and act weak - playing on his need to be chivalrous.  If he only knew how strong I am or how irritatingly independent I can be. Sometimes, I get more by just acting polite.  The guys at Pizzaria Regina give me free slices and discount my pies every week.  I smile, call the clerk my favorite guy and BAM, a loaded pizza for 15 bucks.  I'm not leaving men out of this rant.  I've watched a man work over a sales clerk with flattery.  It's usually an older woman or a wallflower type.  I admit, I find these exchanges disgusting.  I know it makes me a hypocrite, but this is my story. 

Sex is one of the most amazing experiences we can have.  It's fabulous, thrilling, sinful and downright naughty.  Hell, I've built a blog around it and do my best to experience the feeling every single day.  The experience brings you as close to a person as you can get.  It's sad someone would use it to hurt or destroy a relationship.  Like anything,  it can be used for good or evil.  Using it as a method of control is down right wrong.  Our partners use us for sexual release.  Sexual release is also an emotional release.  If we deny them the right because we want to punish, who are we to judge when they seek release elsewhere.  DUH!  This does not give someone a license to cheat. But if their partner is acting like a complete asshat, do you blame them?

In addition to punishing your partner, aren't you punishing yourself.  NO SEX!  I know you can do it yourself.  But, why deny the experience of having sex with the person you CHOSE to have sex with in the first place.  They must of had some skills if you've been with them this long.  Doing the one handed tango is only a mediocre replacement for the real thing.  I like myself alot, but The Husband can do more than I could ever dream of doing to myself.  After all, it's not fun to tease yourself.

If I'm pissed off, I'm not in the mood for nookie.  Frankly, I'm not in the mood for anything other than alone time and a big vat of french fries.  Give me my space (and fries) and I will be ready to have a mature conversation in an hour or so.  I will discuss the matter, reach a resolution and move on.....to make up sex.