Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A Trip to Brazil

I never leave work at 5:00PM. There is just too much going on during the day for me to get everything done. For example, yesterday I spent 2 hours in the AM fixing Partner #3's laptop external modem and then 30 minutes in the afternoon trying to figure out why his speakers didn't work because he wanted to watch Youtube. Never mind the mountain of paperwork on my desk, website work or the 15 other associates who need tending to.

There are those rare moments when I do venture out....a concert, a Chamber event....and my standing appointment for a Brazilian bikini wax.

Every two weeks, at 5:30 PM, I am paying a young lady to pour lava hot wax on my private parts, cover it with a cloth, let it dry and then yank it off. The reason I feel that this is relevant to my blog, is that most of my guys know that this is happening.

In the rare occasion that I do leave "early" (READ: at 5 PM), I've probably told a few people what my agenda will be.....I'm going to a Bruins game, I'm meeting someone for drinks, I'm going to see the Police in concert (yes, I went twice this year). So, when I started leaving at 5 PM and not disclosing my location or just saying "I have an appointment" a few red flags went up.

Finally, someone asked me. And I told them exactly what I was doing. I wasn't going to lie. Now, they all know and aren't afraid to say anything about it. But, a few were curious...exactly what does happen when I'm there and why did I do it?

Well....I lie on a table, with my skirt around my waist while this adorable girl (a.k.a, the Queen of Pain, who is actually from Brazil), pours lava hot wax on me. We chat a bit and then she rips it off my skin with remarkable speed and finesse. The pain is unimaginable. If you want a tiny example, pull out one of the hairs from the inside of your thigh. Hurts, doesn't it? Now picture that times a million. I've been doing it for almost 3 years and it still makes my eyes water. Even worse, she is such a perfectionist that she will go after me with a pair of tweezers if the wax doesn't get all of it. The difference between a Bikini Wax and a Brazilian Wax is the Brazilian is takes off everything...and I do mean everything....front to back. I am bald. This girls knows me almost as well as my gynecologist.

When I mentioned that my waxer was a very pretty girl....and she really is gorgeous....the response I received was "That's hot". No! No! No! The only thing hot about the whole thing is the wax. There is nothing sexual about the whole experience. Well, maybe if you were in to S&M, but I'm not. It hurts! And it's maintenance. I'm so use to it now, it's like having my nails done.

Why do I do it? Well, after you get past the pain, a bit of swelling afterwards and the fear of a person going at your delicate lady parts with a pair of tweezers, it is awesome. You have heighten sensitivity and it feels really clean. Once you do it, you will keep on doing it, regardless of the pain.

So, as Surfer Dude once said, I'm off to have my Cooter Buffed today....and every one's gonna know about it. Word to the wise fellas, if you're not ready for an honest answer, don't ask the questions. I have nothing to hide!


  1. Sorry, but you're never going to convince a group of red-blooded heterosexual males that one hot chick naked from the waist down getting her privates waxed by another pretty girl isn't hot.

    And by the way, guys also imagine the appointment ends with the two of you covered in body oil and having a topless pillow fight.

  2. I'm sorry to disappoint you. We didn't have the pillow fight this time. She was out of body oil.