Monday, December 8, 2008

OMG, I'm a Grown Up

This list was sent to me by Surfer Dude. I'm not sure he was rubbing it in my face that I'm a bit older (4 years) than him or if he is still doing all this . His adorable girlfriend says that his life should be titled "The Adventures of Man-Boy".

Anywhoo....this is a bit light for a Monday. I'm sure I scared everyone with my coochie story last Friday. I need something a bit blah today. It's fucking 15 degrees out here with a windchill of minus 0. Winter on Cape Cod, baby!

25 Ways to Tell If Your a Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. I never grew pot but an ex boyfriend did. My houseplants are sort of alive when I remember to water them. I'm convinced that the ones that die have committed suicide.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. I will have sex ANYWHERE. But, TH is a big guy and I'm not a petite little thing so a twin bed is a challenge. But, ya'll know me! I love a challenge.

3. You keep more food in the fridge than beer. I have a beer fridge in the garage. I'm a smart grown up.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. I'm working out so hard these days I'm lucky if I can make it until 11:00 pm. It is a rare night when I'm up super late and it's usually because I'm checking on blogs.

5. You hear your favorite song in the elevator. I was brought up on every kind of music. I was a violinist and I'm sure I was one of the only 12 year olds that listened to Madonna and Glen Miller. I still do!

6. You watch the weather channel. I HATE the weather channel! TH puts it on all the time and it's like fingernails on a chalk board to me.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." I don't have any friends. I'm probably the oldest living woman who has never been a bridesmaid or a maid of honor. I got teary eyed when I watched "27 Dresses". I was so jealous of her.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. Try 2 days. I have taken two full day off from work this year.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as dressed up. I only have 3 pairs of shows that aren't heels (not counting flip flops). I am always dressed up now.

10. You're the one calling the police because those fucking kids next door won't turn down the stereo. My neighbors play the drums and guitar. But, we don't complain. We're pretty loud too. I have called the police when the neighbors son has a party. He's an asshole. A 20 year old guy that lives with his parents and mooches off of them. He's friends were parked all over my front lawn.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Only my grandmother does this. Everyone else still treats me like I'm 6. My mother sometimes makes the comment "Are you old enough to be drinking that, young lady?" when she sees me drinking wine. It's sad.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. I've never been to Taco Bell. I'm a Mexican food snob. But, there's not much I won't do for a Big Mac at 2:00 AM.

I'm such an old fart. Happy friggin' Monday!


  1. That weather channel thing only applies to the 50 and older crowd.

  2. I guess I'm half a grown-up then.

  3. You've never been to Taco Bell? What's wrong with you woman? I rarely go either (I mean NEVER since HASAY banned Taco Bell). I'm about half grown up, according to that list.

  4. I'm sick of being a grown-up. I want to go back to 4th grade. All I did was run and play, I didn't care about girls and I wasn't old enough to pay bills. Send me back....please.

  5. Damn....I really did hear one of my favorites in an elevator !!!! DAMN THE ELEVATOR MUSIC !!! I still have something left, good times , late parties, loose women, and.....Ok , i have nothing, im grown up. Damn.

  6. Heather: Big K is 41 and loves the weather channel. He has for the past 9 years that I've known him.

    Lola: I'm about half too.

    Casey: I know, it's a tragedy. I've also never been to Walmart!

    Cameron: I loved 5th grade. In 4th grade I had a really mean teacher.

    King of New York Hacks: I sometimes catch myself humming along at the dentist office. It's so sad.

  7. I hurt my back while laying in bed yesterday. I'd love to say it was during raucous sex, but I was just stretching. I still haven't recovered.

    I will not light my grown-up and geriatric ass on fire...

  8. Are you sure he hasn't been lying about his age all this time?

  9. ... Where are the other 13 reasons?

  10. Daddyfile: A likely story

    Heather: I'm pretty sure. I'll ask tonight

    Badass: I know! I'm such a loser!