Monday, December 29, 2008

Strange Taste

Just like every other horny, red blooded American woman (and I'm sure a few million others around the world), I worship at the alter of George Clooney. I have seen Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen about a billion times and I endure Alicia Silverstone's annoying acting skills so I can see him in that leather Batman suit. The man is a god. I've even watched "One Fine Day" just to view the scene where he is holding the kitten. Hot man, cute kitty....YUM!

But, the damp panties stop there. Instead of following the high level of estrogen to Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, or Leonardo DiCaprio, I lust after this:

Yes, that is Jack Black and yes, I've thought about seeking therapy. Whatever the reason, I think that this man is brutally hot. I have seen "The Holiday" a zillion times and not just because I think it's a great movie. I'm not watching it for Jude Law (who I personally think is a scuz), but for how hot Jack is! Just look at how he looks at her in this photo. Okay, now that I look at it again, he does look a bit psycho-killer. But, still hot.
If you thought that was bad, here are a few others that I lust after.
Kevin James. He was most adorable in "Hitch". I think that most of my crush is due to his comedy. And maybe his lips. Just look at that bottom one. Dontcha just want to bite it?

Chris Farley. I like his pre-psychotic meltdown days. I'm convinced if he and I had met, he would still be alive. He had self-esteem issues, I worshiped the ground he trod on. It would have been a perfect match! He's like a big teddy bear.
Vin Diesel. The man sets my loins aflame. You could grate cheese on those abs. Every time I see "XXX" I need to take a cold shower. (It's been on HBO alot lately so I'm very clean right now) He is the wallpaper on my office computer. The guys haven't noticed yet, but the time will come. I snagged a snapshot of him from the movie so I can say that I'm a fan of the film. Yeah....that's right....a big fan....a big fan of the scenes where he's shirtless. He does have these large man nipples that I overlook. Something just not right about that.
Sir Sean Connery. The older this man gets, the hotter he is. I've seen "The Rock" umpteen times and when he's wearing those fatigues....OMG! I get tingly just writing about it. Is it sick that he is old enough to be my grandfather and I have naughty fantasies about him reading to me? It's that accent. It's intoxicating. Some would say I have "daddy issues".
Sam Elliot. The man is a movie sex legend! I hate westerns! Yet, I have seen "Tombstone" more times than I care to admit. Val Kilmer does make it less painful, but Sam is so sexy. I've also watch "Roadhouse" a few thousand times. Not for Patrick Swayze, but for this mustached man-candy. He's a hundred years old too, but damn fine!

So my tastes are a bit eclectic and lean a bit towards the chubby side. I like my men meaty. Big K is appropriately nicknamed as he is built like a football linebacker. He's huge. He has big, hockey player legs and shoulders a midget could ski jump off of. Granted, he does need to loose a few pounds (or 35) to be healthy again. But, I find him to be incredibly hot.

So, when I'm not having naughty sex dreams about Pam Anderson (I have no lesbian tendancies and this dream is a constant problem. The guys at the office think it's hysterical), I'm lusting after chubby comedians, bald hotties and geriatric actors.

Anyone else have this issue? Or am I the only one bound for therapy.


  1. I totally hear you on the Sean Connery thing. And I, too, like guys who aren't sticks (how anyone thinks Orlando Bloom is hot is beyond me). I think sex appeal is only bracketed by age, hair patterns or weight when we allow it to be.

    Fav panty-wetting quote EVER: Vin Diesel saying 'its an animal thing' in 'The Chronicles of Riddick'

  2. Phoenix - Orlando is only kinda hot in the Pirates movies. Otherwise, yuck! I still haven't seen The Chronicles of Riddick". It's next on my list. I'll keep a towel handy! I only had to think about him saying that to get a tingle! YUM!

  3. Mine is too embarrassing to even post here...check your email

  4. Sean Connery is the definition of "hot."

  5. Whoah...when your loins are aflame, do you have a balm or lotion to relieve the itching and irritation.

    Actually, I can understand almost all of them except funny. I can get the whole humor is sexy thing, but Farley, IMO, just wasn't that funny. I don't know, I don't dig too much on physical comedy, it doesn't require imagination and creativity. But what the hell do I know, I'm the least funny person on the planet.

  6. I'm with you, I like the big meaty funny guys. Those wussy girly-men don't do anything for me. Kevin James and Jack Black, yum! How about Jon Favreau in "Love and Sex"? Farly didn't do it for me though.

  7. Hey, whatever trips your trigger. No judging from this corner ;)

  8. OHHHHHH! I love Jack Black, and Sam Elliot has been a sex dream of mine for so many years, interchangeable with Kris Kristofferson or Willem Defoe (?). Never liked Clooney until he aged and got a kickass villa in Italy that I want to move into. Now, I just know we were meant for each other, cuz I would never want to marry him ;)

    Not feeling it on Farley or Vin, but I would fuck Kevin James because you know it would be a RIOT!

    If you can truly crack me up repeatedly, you can get me in bed. It's my weakness. Dennis Leary and I belong together. I could even play hockey with him and Cam Neely (who I used to hang with back in the day). Then there's always Vince Vaughn.

    Yeah, I'm just a whore for weird looking funny guys. Thanks for getting me going, girl!

  9. Kat: yes, he is kinda scary...but hot at the same time.

    Debbie: The older he gets, the hotter he is!!

    Cameron: I love funny guys! Maybe laughing makes me horny.

    Heinous: "Trips my trigger!" I've never hear that!

    Lola: Something about William Defeo gives me the creeps. I'm not sure why, it's just something... Dennis Leary is sexy. He just can't smoke around me. Naked hockey with Cam and fantasy for me!

  10. Nice! You have a fat funny guy fetish. God bless you.

    King of Queens is my favorite TV show and I think Kevin James is a fucking riot. Are you going to see his new Mall Cop movie?

    And I'm not gay, but even I'd fuck Sean Connery. My favorite line of his was from "The Rock" when he said "Losers always whine about doing their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen!"

  11. Daddy: I can't watch King of Queens. I always want to bitch slap that Leah Remi chick. I don't know if I'll see Mall Cop. It looks kinda stupid. I loved "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". I have the hots for Adam Sandler too.

    Yup, I'm kinda a chubby chaser.

    It seems like everyone wants to fuck Sean. Maybe a little orgy is in order....

  12. jack black's music and movies are a crucial component to the danny microwave project. also, you're not crazy. he's cute.

  13. dcmiro - I'll have to check out the project. Glad you agree he is cute. What's not to love about a funny guy!