Monday, August 24, 2009

All You Ever Wanted To Know and More

Last Thursday, I had a small blogging meltdown and offered up my most intimate secrets to the masses. Questions could be asked of me and I would truthfully bare my soul.

From Daddyfiles: 1. What was your time on the triathlon: The fucking race was a wash out. The swim portion was cancelled (due to a massive electrical storm) and the 6.2 mile run was split into two 3.2 mile sections with the bike portion in between. The team captain (my aunt) decided my sister would run the first half and I would run the last. So at the end of all this craziness, training and traveling I only got to run 3.2 miles. Bullshit doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I wasn't even asked if I wanted to give up half the run. In the end, I finished the 3.2 miles in 27:32 minutes. It was my best run time yet. I managed to break under the 9 minute mile mark. I'm pretty sure it was due to the fact I was so furious at the situation, I just wanted to be done with it. 2. Fuck, Marry, Kill: You have to pick three of your bloggy Internet friends. One you'd fuck, one you'd marry, and one you'd kill. Give reasons why: Obviously, the person I would fuck would be Lola. (I picked her even before she threaten me to pick her) I have no lesbian desires, but I have no doubt she would be a fabulous lay. I'm willing to give girl on girl a try for her. I would marry Michele. She is the most amazing chef. I'd never have to cook dinner again and she would get me all the fun books from the library. At the moment, I have to think I might just kill you. You had the most questions of everyone. What are you? A reporter or something?'re so nosy. You could have just called me instead of making me type so much! 3. Have you ever had sex in Satan's Workshop? Nope! Truthfully, the idea of having sex there stresses me out. Just being there stresses me out. Not in a Gee-I-hope-we-don't-get-caught way, but in a Is-the-phone-gonna-ring-and-I-will-feel-the-need-to-answer-it-mid-orgasm way. 4. If a genie grants you one wish but in exchange, you permanently gain 30 lbs, would you do it? Yes. Because I would have all the extra weigh go to my hair and my boobs! Presto - free boob job! 5. I want to know if TH is home during these tryouts (referring to my sex toy testing) or if he's ever come home to find you in your "rock climbing" gear. Is he used to stuff like that or does it take him by surprise. TH is the one who got me started on all the crazy toys. For our first Christmas (and we were just friends at this point) he bought me the Rabbit Pearl. He's not home when I do my testing. I can also hear his car pull into the driveway and it gives me plenty of time to put everything away if I don't want to indulge in sharing. It's too hard for me to concentrate and truly run the toy thru its paces if he's drooling and panting next to me, trying to "help". It's a distraction -a nice one-but a distraction all the same. He is very use to my testing and using new products. He gets the added benefit of using them with me if I like it.

From Badass: What are your best and worst memories from high school?: My best memory was when I went to Germany for a three week student exchange my junior year. It was the craziest three weeks of my life. I partied, saw amazing places, ate amazing food, got engaged to a German guy (Ah, Marcus. He was such a babe! Too bad I dumped him after six months), met a beautiful Italian guy named Elvis (I passed out cold before I got anything more than a kiss), and drank more than I ever have in my life! If I had pick one moment in my life to relive, it would be those three weeks! It was 1994 and every blond American girl was considered Pamela Anderson. I was in heaven! My worst memory was from my sophomore year. I had been dating a senior named Josh for a few months. He was so dreamy and had this cowboy thing going that was so different from the jocks and other weirdos that inhabited my high school. I was hopelessly in love with him and he dumped me right before the senior prom (which I was sure he was gonna ask me to) He told me he'd just dated me to forget his old girl friend and now that he was leaving high school, he'd never have to see her again and he didn't need me as a distraction anymore. Oh, did I mention he dumped me in front of an entire classroom of people. I was humiliated and heartbroken for a year.

The funny thing is, I ran into him about 5 years ago. I had just gotten out of court and ran into a deli to grab a sandwich. I was still all jazzed up in my suit and looking really good. He was in line at the deli with his mother. I didn't even recognize him!!! He was pudgy and balding. He looked at me and said, "You don't remember me, do you?"

I looked back at him and thought, he looked familiar but I couldn't place him.

He said, "We went out in high school my senior year". All of a sudden, the whole thing came back to me and before I could stop, my nose crinkled up in disgust.

"Oh, so you do remember me now." he said with an embarrassed smile.

With my best manners (after all, his mother was there), I said "Josh, right? We had woodshop together" (Yes, I took woodshop. I was trying to piss off my parents and keep them from making me take yet another computer typing class).

After that, I picked up my sandwich, said a polite goodbye and left. I had almost made to my car when I heard, "Hey, Cape Cod Gal. Wait a minute".

There was Josh, running after me. He proceed to apologize for everything he had done to me in high school, telling me what a shithead he had been (like I didn't know) and how very sorry he was for treating me with such disrespect. I gave him a pat on the arm and said it was no big deal. Let bygones be bygones.

But, after he walked away, I couldn't help thinking "Sucker! I win!"

From Lola: 1. You better pick me to fuck! I did! Three days before you threatened me! 2. If "The Partners" were the last men on earth, which one would you choose to have sex with? If it was absolutely necessary for survial, I would have to pick Partner #1. (dry heave) Partner #2 would make me physically sick. I would have killed Partner #3 already because there would be no one around to arrest me for it. 3. How much money would you have to win in the lottery to quit your job? At least 2 million (after taxes). The would give me enough to (finally!) pay off all my student loans, invest some, pay off my house and my parents house and leave some for me to start my own business with some money of the side to play with! 4. Would you rather be rich or have the perfect body? I want to be rich. I can make myself the perfect body with the personal trainer I can pay for once I'm rich. 5. Who would be your number one pick to bring in for a threesome other than me, of course? If it was a woman, it would have to be Salma Hayek. If it was a guy, Vin Diesel, of course!

From Captain Dumbass: Weirdest place I've had sex: racquetball court. You?: The top of a fire tower in Nickerson State Park in Brewster MA. Fabulous view, lots of splinters, and it was a federal offense if I got caught!

From Staci: What is your all-time, favorite, can't live without it toy?: My favorite toy is the Hustler mini massager. It is totally obsolete and you can't find it anymore. It use to be waterproof, but I broke the waterproof thingy that went over the top. Now, it's just a bedtime toy. It's fast, easy and works every time. I'm not quite sure what I'm gonna do if it every breaks.

From Morvy: 1. I want to know what the secret was from your "tattle-tale" post. I hate to disappoint you, but it wasn't that exciting. Well, not exciting to an outsider. I found out one of the associates was going to quit. See....not that crazy. It did cause a hell of a day for me! Nothing like telling your boss that one of the associates, who also happens to be one of his best friends, is leaving the firm. 2. I am also dying to know what your hold-out in the baby department is. {Now, this isn't because since I recently had a baby I think everyone should have one too (which I do) I was just wondering why you have not taken the 'plunge' yet.} Remind me never to introduce you to my mother. The two of you would slay me! I really don't have any specific reasons why TH hasn't knocked me up yet. We're just kinda moving along, enjoying being married etc, etc. I've also had a few minor health scares that we're seeing about. Buuuuuuuuut.......just between, you and me and the 400 other people that read my blog every day, I will tell you the subject has been brought up in conversation recently and the outcome was favorable. 3. It has also been killing me to know what you do - but I understand not being able to divulge that info on the world wide web. (But I still wonder and make up scenarios in my head- especially when you use phrases like Satan's Workshop) I call it Satan's Workshop because I am convinced that Partner #3 is really the devil himself. The man is a demon! I really can't divulge where I work and what I do. But, you know that the main bosses are "Partners", I work at a "firm" and I refer to the customers as "clients", I can bet you could guess.

There you go. Honest. Straightforward. Nothing held back. Gee, aren't the rest of you sad you didn't ask me that question that has been burning you up inside?

Don't worry. We'll play this game again real soon.


  1. I'm honored that you'd marry me. Could I quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife?

  2. Great answers, girl! I'll bring the tequila...

  3. This makes me reiterate my request for New England bloggers (Me, you, Badass, Lola, etc) to get together at some point in the near future. Maybe a night out in Boston? Maybe pictures of you and Lola making out? Maybe MJ too?

    I think it should happen if for no other reason than to see Badass' head explode!

  4. I read that as Santa's workshop the first three times it was mentioned and couldn't figure out why you would be answering the phones there as that is clearly the job of an elf.

    Fantastic answers! I often wonder about the bloggers I read, and you seem to have the biggest air of sex infused mystery about you!

  5. I think a meetup of the New England region bloggers is overdue, too. I'm not sure if my head would explode (I'm no prude), but I think it'd be a blast for sure.