There comes a time in life when you have to wonder if a problem you're facing might be entirely your fault. For example, a woman complains that she can't find the right guy. She always blames him for the demise of the relationship, but never takes the time to realize, while she is dating different men, the relationship always ends the same way. The common denominator is her. SHE is the reason the relationships are due to fail. SHE is what needs changing, not the guy.
I've never had luck with female friends. Guy friends? Those I can't get rid of. Once I become friendly with a guy, it's usually for life. Women? I'm lucky if I get 3 months. It starts out like any relationship - the hour long phone calls, dinner and a movie, fun day trips. Then, it stops as abruptly as it started. Email and phone messages go unanswered, plans fall thru the cracks. This pattern has been happening for years. Sure there have been a few wackos sprinkled in there - those friendships that I chose to voluntarily expunge from my life because I really don't want to be friends with someone that licks whip cream off a married guys' balls. (true story) A guy who is married to someone else other than the friend. But once a year, I cautiously peer out from my tightly closed doors and try to make a friend - and I have been failing miserably at it.
I was watching "Bride Wars" Friday night as I waited for one of those phone messages that went unanswered regarding plans that fell thru. I smiled at the end as Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson made up and returned to being life long friends. Then, I turned off the TV and walked to the back door to let the dogs out for the final pee of the night. After I finished yelling, "Go Poop. Get Out There and Try Again", I stood in the doorway and was surprised as a single tear slid down my cheek. Usually, I'm use to this stage of the game as I stoically declare "whatever" and watch all the episodes of "Sex In The City" while eating deli slices of American cheese stuck between Wheat Thin crackers to make a sandwich. But, maybe I'm cracking in my old age. Maybe I'm just tired of it all.
Then it hit me like a load of lard. The problem had to be me. Of course! These women were all different - different ages, lifestyles, backgrounds. The only thing they had in common was me. I was the common denominator!
I came to this same conclusion a few years ago after another failed friendship. I asked TH what the hell was wrong with me. He told me I picked the wrong people to be friends with. There was nothing wrong with me. If anything, he said I cared too much. I'm the kind of person you call at 2 AM to come pick you up after if you've had just one too many shots - even if I've just met you the week before. Need a ride to the airport? I'm game. Got troubles? I've got two shoulders for you to cry on and the location of a restaurant that makes excellent margaritas. I will give you the shirt off my back as long as I'm wearing a bra underneath. If its a real emergency, I'll still give up the shirt even if I'm not wearing the bra. No one will look. My boobs aren't that great anyway.
Am I'm a friendship whore? Am I'm too easy? Am I giving away the goods before the second date? I have to wonder, is there such a thing as a being too friendly?
I have changed my tactics over the years. Just recently, I waited 5 months before making a "date". Over the course of those 5 months, I cautiously felt the person out, casually talked about this and that, always keeping things light. After I felt totally confident with the entire situation, I made concrete plans. The BAM! Just like block of concrete, they sank heavily in to oblivion.
My age and current status don't make things any easier. I'm 32 years old. Most women meet their lifelong friends in college or just after. Well, I went to college when I was 26. I was a relic to those girls in my classes. Most women my age have kids and associate with their "play date" friends. My lack of offspring makes me undesirable to those women. After 4 days of heavy thinking, I have only come up with one possible reason why I might suck in the friend department: I'm just too much for some people. I'm loud, brash, unflappable, unfailingly honest and have a low tolerance for bullshit. But at the same time, I am fiercely loyal, loving and compassionate. I am a powder keg. You must have a strong constitution and a strong stomach to be my friend.
I know what you're thinking.....I'm putting way to much thought into this. Like any good thing, I should just let it happen. Well, Fate is fucking me right now and she lacks finesse and lubrication.
Okay, I'm done whining. I'll talk about something sexy or disgusting or funny tomorrow. I'm just a little cranky, kinda lonely and a bit frustrated right now.