Friday, September 4, 2009

A Different Kind of Shower

If you haven't already figured it out, I am VERY open minded when it comes to sex. Even if you and I don't jive on the same perversion, I'll listen to your side, offer up my opinion but I will never hold it against you. It's none of my business if you like to suck lime jello out from in between your lover toes (true story, folks). It's what ever gets you to the Big O. I'm just happy you get there.

I recently learned that an associate of mine had a thing for golden showers. (See, didn't I tell you people come to me and blurt out their most intimate secrets. I'm not even friends with this guy). Not one to judge someone's sexual preferences, I calmly said, "Really. That's nice." and ran to Google up everything I could find on it.

For those of you that are uneducated in what I like to call "The Freaky Side of Sex I Don't Enjoy", a golden shower is basically when you pee on someone or let them pee on you. Personally, it is not on my resume. I feel that all urination should take place on the toilet or if ultimately necessary, in the woods behind a bush.

Unsatisfied with my Google search and (again) reading waaaaayyyy too much about gay sex, I asked him: "Do you like to be peed on or do you do the peeing".

After a few seconds of careful though, he said "Well, I like to do the peeing. But, if someone wanted to pee on me, I might just do it."

Not one to back down from a subject I was still trying to digest, I said, "So is it the humiliation approach? 'Cuz that's what I read about online. It's a way to degrade someone"

"No" he said. "It's just something extra. Like when you're having sex in the shower. It's not degrading, it's just fun"

It's fun to peed on someone? Hmmmmm. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around that one. I know guys like to write their names in the snow, they like to tinkle on tree trunks and find pleasure in seeing just how far and loud they can pee. I don't even think I find the general act of peeing enjoyable. In fact, I find going to the bathroom to be a inconvenience altogether. Maybe because I'm a girl. Guys can just whip it out anywhere. We ladies have to unzip, pull down, sit, pee, wipe, wipe again, stand up, pull up and zip up. Don't even get me started on wilderness peeing. That's a skill in itself.

I started thinking to myself, what would I do if a guy wanted to pee on me. Would I let him do it? I mean, it's pee. Eww. This wouldn't be a jellyfish sting situation. This would be a purpose filled pee. Eww. Then, there is the smell. Eww. Even worse if they've just eaten asparagus. Eww.

Methinks there is no room in my bag of tricks for that one. Cum on my leg? Sure. Take a whiz? You've got the wrong girl.


  1. Um... yeah. No golden showers for me. To each his or her own, but it's definitely not for me.

  2. I agree with you. Fine for others, as long as I don't have to clean it up.

  3. Yeah, I have to admit, the peeing? Not so much. And the poo? OMG how do people live with themselves when they do stuff like that? It's just nasty.

  4. Prude.

    So I guess a Cleveland Steamer is out of the question??

  5. Ask the guy who cleans up afterwards? Cause you know you have to clean up afterwards. Unless they only do that in the shower. But still...I would want someone cleaning the piss off my shower walls. EW.

  6. I try to be opened minded but ewwwwww. I can't handle that one. Pee is well....pee.

  7. No Rusty Trombones or Dirty Sanchez's for you then?

    I'm not on board with the peeing and so on ... someone else can do that kind of thing.

  8. Way out of the "I might consider it" arena for me. Ew.

  9. I had a boyfriend who wanted me to pee on him and I wouldn't so he'd wait outside and burst in while I was peeing and try to stick his hand in my stream before I stopped it. True story and it's the reason I still can't pee in public bathrooms, 14 years later. Is that pee rape? Pape? It's real, people.