I don't understand why the pizza guy always thinks we have guests. Why wouldn't you order a large pizza with two toppings, a large steak & extra cheese sub, a large order of mozzarella sticks and a large order of garlic sticks for two people. Are you calling me a pig?
The tomato basil bisque at Lamberts Farm Market, Centerville MA is better than good foreplay. I'm just telling you this in case you're ever in the area and want to cum in your pants.
I figured one of the benefits of being married is you have a captive audience. Someone to share all of your discoveries. So, I don't understand why my husband doesn't want to share the awe, horror and disgust of an excellent new zit.
Speaking of zits, have you ever worked super hard to pop one and when you finally get it done you're secretly disappointed it's over. You know you have. Admit it.
I'm already torturing myself with thoughts of hosting Thanksgiving again this year. Remember the disaster last year? Right now, I'm pretending the holiday doesn't exist.
I miss the show "The West Wing". I wasn't really interested in politics until a few years ago. The West Wing was enough for me. Then I showed my utter ignorance when I confused something happening on the show with real life. Awkward moment.
I get horny watching the Nasonex commercial. The voice of the bee is Antonio Banderas. The man is a 9.5 on the damp panties scale.
Have you ever discovered a gigantic bruise and wondered how in the world it got there? I got out of the shower the other morning and saw an enormous bruise on my thigh. Now, I'm trying to figure out a what point a Mack truck ran into me. Of course, this has nothing to do with my lack of coordination and the fact I walk into objects all the time. This recent bruise is probably a result of walking into the corner of my desk. I do it three or four times a day when I'm rushing out of my office to unjam the copier before it erupts into a ball of flames from an associate trying to use it while it's jammed.
I have decided to go to the library to save money. My book budget is out of control because I read more books in a week than most people do in a year. After looking over my credit card statement from the last two months, I've concluded that I could feed a small nation on the amount I spent at the book store. Unfortunately, my town library is only open when I can't get there. If I find the time to grab a few books off the shelf, I can never get back there to renew them if I'm not done reading. Now I'm spending money on overdue fees. I just can't win.
And that's a wrap.