Tuesday, September 29, 2009

RTT - Pubic Hairs and Caucasian Rubbish

I don't know if I can watch the new seasons of "Girls Next Door". I was so in love with the first cast of whores that I would feel like I'm cheating on them. And besides, I HATE those twins. They are classless, Caucasian rubbish. (That is the PC term for "white trash".)

Yesterday, I spent the entire day with the Gloria Gaynor song "You Can Ring My Bell", running through my head. I continue to be amazed I was not admitted to a psych ward.

I don't know why Zeva didn't ask Tony if he loved her on the season premier of NCIS. After all, he was on truth serum. As you can see, I'm very upset about all this. If they don't fix this romance thing between them this season I'm going to explode. The sexual tension is killing me.

Last week, I was informed by one of the associates that there were pubes on the urinal again. Seriously guys, what do you think I'm going to do about this problem and why do you keep telling me about it.

If anyone knows how to get funky foot odor out of really nice shoes, please tell me. You know how you can make the mistake of wearing shoes with no socks on a hot day without using the "please don't let my feet sweat" foot spray? And then, your feet sweat like crazy making your shoes smell like swamp farts. Then, you wear them again and even though you remembered the "please don't let my feet sweat" foot spray, your feet still smell. I'm having that problem right now with a fabulous pair of Steve Madden heels.

I made the mistake of giving the trainer the gym my cell phone number. Now he texts me and tells me to get my fat ass to class. Last night, I was tricked into taking an extreme step aerobics class after an advanced yoga class. I thought he was harassing me into a body combat or body attack class. I have enough trouble remembering basic moves, let's just add an obstacle for me to jump on and off of.

My friend Dollface from the gym got engaged this weekend. Everyone, please feel happy for her. I was so happy that I hugged. We all know that I don't hug.....EVER! But, this was a big deal. She's a good girl.

My website will launch by the middle of October. I swear on my shoe collection and my toy collection. There. That should motivate me to FINALLY get the fucking thing launched.

That's a wrap, Lovers


  1. Ugh. The sweaty foot smell is one of the worst smells in the world to me.

  2. Congrats to Dollface.

    Pubes on the urinal AGAIN! Determine who's losing the hair on his head. He's probably your culprit. Make him clean up.

  3. Oh my god, I was yelling at Zeva to ask him when I was watching!

    I sound so gay sometimes...

  4. I thought Tony was dead? I must have missed when he resurrected.

  5. I agree with you about the Tony and Zeva thing. Just get it on.

    I have the worst smelling feet ever so I feel your pain.

  6. Baking soda is supposed to get bad smells out. Maybe powder the insides with it, and let it sit awhile, then repeat until the smell has gone? I don't know.

  7. Let me know if you figure out the shoe thing, because I've got a few pairs that need help!