Tuesday, September 22, 2009

RTT - I Get My Best Ideas While Naked

I cannot eat nonbreakfast foods (except for cold pizza) in the morning. For those of you that eat leftovers or lunch type items, I ask you this: WTF? That is gross!

I get some of my best ideas in the shower. I was shaving my legs this morning and came up with the solution to a huge problem just as I finished my right thigh. If I could be naked at the office, I would be running this joint. In reality, I am. I just don't get respect, a huge paycheck or credit.

Two weekends ago, I was driving back from visiting my grandmother and ran into a huge thunderstorm. It was raining so hard I couldn't see and I had to pull over into a rest area. All the other people were staring out their car windows at the storm. I was cleaning out my glove box. I hate sitting in a car with nothing to do. Five minutes later, I had jumped in the backseat and was tidying up there.

I love to see a guy driving a car with bumper stickers that say "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History" or "Bless the Goddess" or "My Other Car is A Broom". It takes a mighty secure man to run errands in that estrogen plastered machine.
Note to Smokers: Alright, so I know that you have rights and all that. But, can you please, for the love of all that is holy, smoke somewhere not near me. There are reasons for "smoking areas". Not everyone wants to smell like a gnarly ashtray and give themselves lung cancer. And for the record, when the sign says "Thank you for not smoking", they mean you assmunch. Not the guy behind you or the chick on your left. YOU! So put out your fucking cigarette before I ram it up your ass.

Congratulations to TH and I. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary today. Two whole years of wedded bliss. It would have been a few years more if he'd gotten off his lazy lump and asked me to marry him sooner. But, I'm not bitter about that. Nosiree! Anywhoo.....we're gonna tear it up tonight - take out Mexican food and watching the season premier of NCIS.

Before all you ladies get a hair across your ass and start cursing out TH for not taking me some place special - just ease up. He took me to a U2 concert last night. Of course, the romance was spoiled by his parents sitting next to us.

That's a wrap, lovers


  1. Happy Anniversary!

    I used to love having spaghetti and Coke for breakfast. No longer! I am wiser now.

  2. Cold pizza for breakfast is the best. The only other leftovers I'll eat for breakfast? Leftovers from a barbecue.

  3. Happy Anniversary.

    I am one to eat Cheesy Chicken Burritos for breakfast when it is that time of the month...but only at that time of the month. My taste buds get all effed up or something. Or maybe it is just cause it has cheese, tasty tasty cheese.

  4. Happy Anniversary! I hope you had cold pizza for breakfast!

    Um..what were YOU doing in the men's bathroom?

  5. Happy Anniversary! Our 9th Anniversary is Friday....we are having pancakes for dinner that night. Woo Hoo!

  6. Taking it from top to bottom because really that's the way it should be.

    Happy Anniversary!!! I'm so happy for you even if Big K is a lazy ass.

    Amen to the smokers.

    How exactly did you know that someone was eating Snickers in the men's room?

    I will cook for you if you'll clean up my crap heap of a car. Please. I'm serious here. Bonus for me since fall colors are coming on.

    I have my best fantasies in the shower and do my best writing (historical research)while in bed. You do the math.

  7. Happy Anniversary. And why didn't Zeva ask Tony if he loved her? She thought she was going to die! Why not??

    Oh, Zeva....


  8. 1) Happy Anniversary.
    2) I eat dinner foods for breakfast because breakfast sucks. I hate breakfast. I hate bacon and pancakes and all that crap. I'll eat steak and mashed potatos in the morning if I can get away with it.
    3) My bumper sticker on my car says "Men Who Change Diapers Change the World!" I'm either completely secure or really gay.

  9. Happy Anniversary!

    A co-worker (thankfully an EX co-worker now) would bring in leftover fish ...collard greens ... spare ribs, etc. and have them for breakfast. Not sure what was worse ... the horrific smell at 8 in the morning, or the lip smacking and finger sucking that went with it.

  10. Happy Anniversary, Lovers!!!

    I eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast sometimes when I'm in a rush, but other than that, I like my eggs and protein shakes.

    I saw a bumper sticker on a beat-up old pickup in NH that said, "I got my crabs from Dirty Dick's Crab House." I laughed so hard that I announced that we had to go there immediately and get some crabs and one of those stickers or a T-shirt, but Google informed me it was in Florida, not NH. Damn!!!!

  11. happy annniversary! and i'm with you on the non-breakfast foods in the morning. Urk. no, i just decide to skip breakfast alltogether (insert harsh scolding from all the nutritionists out there here)

  12. Happy Anniversary! And I still do Coke in the morning - the soda, not the drug. I love eating breakfast out, but there are no leftovers in my house. My wife only has a kitchen because it came with the house.

  13. I work nights so when I get home I have been known to eat swordfish in the morning!! (I don't think this counts though as it's dinner to me! )