Tuesday, October 13, 2009

RRT - Testicle Trees and Moist v. Damp

Avocado comes from "Ahuacuatl" which is from the Aztecs. Loosely translated means "testicle tree". The ancients thought the fruit hanging in pairs on the tree resembled the males testicles. The Aztec must of had some big ole balls. Avocados aren't small. So, the next time I'm angry at men, I'll make guacamole. Mashing those up with a fork will make me feel better.

I thought it would be fun to give TH a spontaneous lap dance while we were hanging out on the boat. After 10 seconds he made me stop. Apparently I lack finess. He said it was like getting a lap dance from a NFL linebacker.

Now, I'm thinking about guacamole. I think we'll have tacos for dinner tonight.

Does anyone want to go apple picking with me next weekend? For some reason, TH isn't really psyched about going? I think it's a guy thing.

One of our clients visited the office today. Although he is way too short for me, I think he's mighty fine. I get all excited when he comes in our office. After he left, Fancy Pants asked me if my panties were damp. I said no. Then he asked if my panties were moist, thus sparking the debate of which was more - moist or damp. After much thought and consulting the Oxford English Dictionary, we confirmed that they mean the same thing. In our office, it's important all sexual harassment is grammatically correct.

Does anyone really care about Jon and Kate anymore? I mean, really. Do ya?

TH and I did the nasty on our boat for the first time this weekend. I can't believe it's taken us three years to get that done. Of course, having his parents out with us most of the time has made it a bit difficult.

On Saturday, I participate in a Wellness Seminar. At the urging (READ: begging) of my psycho trainer, I took part in one of the demos. For 45 minutes, I was up on a stage doing a Body Pump class. Because of the audience, I decided to show off a bit. While do a set of skull crushers (triceps exercise), I managed to pull a muscle. For the past 2 days I've felt cripple. But, fear not. There were dozens of people videotaping. I bet I finally landed myself on Youtube!

That's a wrap, lovers.

Oh...and I should leave you with this piece of eye candy.

I just want to eat him for lunch. TH and I watched "Fast and the Furious" (the second one) last weekend. The closing credits had just started as I landed on TH. Poor man. He barely made it.


  1. Oh I wish I'd had the nerve to say something like that to the partner who used to act like an asshole to me. Instead I quit in a fit of tears and got blackballed all over town.

    So, Big K will do the nasty but he has the nerve to insult your finesse-less lap dances? Is he TRYING to get sent to the couch?

    Thanks for the eye candy....I needed that today.

  2. You just had to show the eye candy while I'm 1500 miles away from JR. Nice. Now, I'll just have to do myself.

    Partner #3 is an ass and will always be an ass but will never understand why he is an ass. No counseling will fix that.

    JR and I like to break in every space of a new house, travel trailer, boat, backyard, etc. Waiting 3 years is not an option. 3 days is the limit. Poor man. He is so abused.

    Just makes eating avocados so much better.

  3. What is it with women and picking fruit? No I don't want to spend my fucking weekend picking strawberries/blueberries/blackberries whatever. Why would I want to steal work from migrant labourers? Hater.

  4. I think moist sounds wetter than damp, but then it's not my first languag, so I should butt out.

    Mmm sex on a boat and Vin Diesel - the combination would be fine.

  5. You reminded me of an episode of King of Queens where Carrie tries to learn pole dancing. She sucks at it, but Doug really knows how to work the pole. LOL Maybe Big K should be giving you lap dances instead.

  6. Well, I could try to teach you what I learned about lap dances in my pole dancing class, but I'd probably pee on your lap from laughing so hard!

    I'll go apple picking with you, as long as we can meet half way.

  7. Ditto on the halfway apple picking!

    And apparently you weren't that much of a NFL linebacker since you ended up christening the boat!