Tuesday, October 6, 2009

RTT - Post Sex Ickiness and True Love on Facebook

You know how in the movies people have sex moments after they wake up in the morning. How fucking unrealistic is that? When I wake up I need a few minutes to clear up the eye crusties, unload the gallon or so of urine my bursting bladder held for 6 hours and brush my nasty ass teeth. Then, and only then I will present myself to the Morning Wood. My morning breath would shrink the hardiest of boners.

I still hate Megan Fox. There. I've stated my case.....again.

If you live super far away from me (like in another county), I'll friend you on Facebook. I figure, if you cross an ocean to stalk me, it's gotta be true love and I have to meet you.

I need to know why men feel the need to have sex just after a woman has taken a shower. I know we smell all pretty and have a fresh, dewy quality to our skin but it's because we're CLEAN! - and we wish to stay that way. That is why we have just taken a shower. The other day, TH decided to "surprise" me in our walk-in closet minutes after I'd taken a shower. I'm all for morning nookie, but not when I don't have time to re-shower. I had to go to the office with "post-sex ickiness."

Speaking of the bathroom, we now have a woman leasing space in our building. Finally! The guys aren't allowed to use the ladies room anymore. This is an excellent development as I had another fit last week about the whole replacing the toilet paper roll thing.

Ben and Jerry's has a new ice cream flavor called "Cinnamon Bun". Caramel ice cream with caramel swirl and bits of cinnamon bun dough. Try it! It has been excellent foreplay the past couple nights.

There is this guy at my gym who is ginormous. I kid you not. He's like Shrek. I've always found myself wondering, "Hey, this guy is massive and wears size 16 shoes. I wonder how big his package is?". Well, last night I got my answer. He's dating (READ: fucking) on of the girls I know. She says he's just average. That information was such a let down. But, she admits he's very good in the sack. I congratulated her. I'm always happy to hear when someone is getting a quality lay.

That's a wrap, lovers! Stay naughty!

12 comments:

  1. I dated a big body builder guy once who had a pencil dick. Notice the word once.

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  2. The only way you can have sex in the morning is in the lazy spoon position and you're right, only after you pee.

    Our health teacher in the senior high told us never to have sex with a full bladder. Even know I'm not sure why, but I'm not going to take the chance.

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  3. JR does the same thing. I get out of the shower and he wants sex. Wait, I stand in the kitchen and he wants sex. When did the kitchen and the bathroom become foreplay for him?

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  4. I don't get the morning makeout sessions either. It always pisses me off when I see that shit on TV, so fake. Oh, and ditto on the post shower nekkedness..

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  5. Like you said, it's all that clean and smelling pretty and stuff. Oh, and wet hair. Mmmm, wet hair smell...

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  6. My brother has ginormous feet. When people ask him about this - nudge, nudge; wink, wink - he goes "yes, I know what they say: big feet,...
    (and then he leaves a big pause)
    ... big shoes."
    It's funny when he does it.

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  7. THANK YOU for talking about the post sex-itis. I thought it was just me being all mean and old and cranky.

    And I'm feeling VERY honored that I rated a FB add and I live within a day's drive of you. I promise I won't stalk. *insert evil laughter here*

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  8. First of all, women don't have to worry about offending us with their morning breath. Because sweetheart, we don't want your mouths that far north if you catch my drift.

    And we want sex all the time. But when you've just gotten out of the shower...you're naked! That's why we want it even more. And who cares about "post sex ickiness." I would go to work smelling like hot sex everyday if I had my druthers. I'd wear it like cologne. Proudly.

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  9. Eww morning sex is gross! You want morning sex? Make sure I haven't been to bed yet.

    I feel so honoured to have been added on Crackbook. Mind you, I did fly half way across the world to manage it. The things I do for you...I must really love you!

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  10. As a nightowl, living with a morning person, I don't have to worry about morning sex. By the time I wake up, he's long gone, even on weekends.

    He also knows that if he dares to wake me for any reason other than the house is on fire or the kid is sick, he's more likely to get a punch in the nose than he is to get any sort of action!!

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  11. Blame it on the morning wood. It controls our brains.

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