Tuesday, October 20, 2009

RTT - The Big 10 Inch and Unnatural Attachments To My Waxer

Yesterday, I spent 15 minutes staring at a ruler wondering just how big is "too big" for a penis. This waste of time was inspired by a comment I made about a guy I know. He is the biggest goober in the world and not all that attractive. His wife is absolutely beautiful and sophisticated. I'm convinced the only reason they're together is that he must have a 10 inch penis. After staring at the ruler, I've concluded that 10 inches is pretty darn big and might make things a bit uncomfortable.

You should know during the mindless activity above, I was listening to Bach. I'm not, if anything, a classy perv.
A note to parents who personally put their children on the bus every morning: School has been in session for more than a month now. It is not necessary to have a 20 minute conversation with the school bus driver EVERY morning. Do you see the crazy woman pointing and shaking her fist at you, sitting 5th in the line of cars stacking up behind the bus? That's me. I've got places to go. Please move.
The above comment does not make me a child hater or an asshole. If I was holding up traffic while chatting with someone you would be pissed off too. I just don't have a cute kid to wave at while I'm doing it.

I was sitting behind an elementary school bus the other day, when the kids in the back seat starting staring at me. I smiled and stuck out my tongue. Three of the brats stared to "shoot" me with their fingers. One of them even pulled off a very realistic machine gun. What the fuck? I'm pretty sure I'd just met the next Jeffrey Dalmer and Charles Manson.

There is a woman at my gym who always works out in a sports bra and gym pants. She has a fantastic body and looks amazing. The problem is, she's a cunt. When ever guys stare at her, she gets all pissed off and bitches to the gym staff. A word to the wise, honey. If you don't want the menfolk to oogle you, wear clothes. How come it's always the bitches that get the fabulous bodies.

I've been terrible about working out lately and I think things are starting to jiggle. It was TH's birthday on the 16th and we celebrated all weekend by eating as much as humanly possible. Burgers, bar-b-que, Mexican, brunch....we were gluttons. I'm starting a heavy work out schedule ASAP.

The Wax Nazi has gone to Germany for a month. I am freaking out. I never realized how attached I was to her. She even gave me her home number - just in case. She has become a sort of adoptive aunt. I miss her. My Wooha misses her too. We're both scared she may not come back. One of her clients is a vendor of mine. She's having the same problem I am.

That's a wrap, lovers.


  1. How exactly would one hide a 10-inch boner? You know, the ones guys get in public from riding on a bumpy bus or whatever?

    It just wouldn't be possible.

  2. Badass Geek: Guys get boners riding on a bumpy car? In the words of Elaine from Seinfeld, I just don't know how you guys deal with those things.

    The woman in the gym sucks. If she doesn't want guys staring then wear clothes. I hope your Wax Nazi gets back soon because there is nothing worse then the bristlies.

  3. That ruler thing is a great waste of time! I used to spend hours discussing that very problem with girlfriends.

  4. I would totally freak if I lost my wax lady from Brazil.

  5. I heard that it actually hurts if a penis hits the back wall of the wooha. I'd say if it's in that range it's too big.

  6. So I totally went looking for my ruler just so I could picture it the same way you did. Or close. All I can say is OUCH! That does not seem like a fun time to me.

    Gym lady can kiss my ass. You don't wear clothing, people are gonna stare.

    I hope your Wax Nazi gets back soon. Although, I almost can't wait for your post right after your first session when she gets back.

  7. Ten inches is way too long for me!! Girth is much more important than length anyway.