Tuesday, October 27, 2009

RTT - Mind Sluts, Sexual Harassment and Hating Eve

Have you ever sat at your desk for an hour and suddenly realized that you've accomplished absolutely nothing because you've been absorbed in the dramatic lives of the Kardashian sisters even though you really could care less about them and now you will never get that hour of your life back?

I am a mind slut. By the time I make my way from the front door of the gym to the yoga room, I've mentality slept with half the guys in the weight room and a few on the cardio deck.

I cannot believe that Kate Gosselin chick is only 1 1/2 year older than I am. I wonder if I look that old and tired and bitchy.

Fancy Pants and I have reached a new level of intimacy. He came up to me the other day, reach towards my face and plucked something off my chin. Apparently age is getting to me and I had a teeny, tiny wayward hair on my chin. (Don't look at me like that. You know you all have something that is similarly icky and weird. Jokes about my being a bearded lady are not welcome). After he did it, he went about his business like it was nothing. Then he asked me to help him pop a zit on his cheek (After careful inspection, I declared it "not ready to go") He is officially my office brother now. You don't do that kind of stuff with just anyone.

We found the offices' policies and procedures manual the other day and had a good laugh at the section on sexual harassment. According to the manual, we all should have been fired on the day we started and then brought up on charges.

Nothing is worse than when your period is late. Even though you've had all the warning signs - bloat, crankiness, the desperate need for something saltysweetchocolateycrunchiechewy, the sudden unexplainable urge to maim your boss and all your coworkers, more bloat, etc - and you know there is no way in hell you could be pregnant, there is still that tiny voice inside your head whispering "Baby...Baby!... BABY!!!!! YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!! NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO?????" Thankfully, after only a few hours of panic, Aunt Flo arrives. Your initial relief and joy is replaced by annoyance as you realize now you have to bleed for the next few days. Life is cruel sometimes. I blame Eve. Nosy cunt. Why didn't she just leave that friggin' apple alone and have a peach?

That's a wrap, lovers. Stay naked and naughty.


  1. You're great. I'm a mind slut, too, but don't tell anyone. And I was late. Too freaky.

  2. I'm pretty sure is 140 characters.

  3. Eve should have had a peach. Much safer.

  4. *sigh* Anytime a guy wants to bitch at me about how he has to deal with the mood-swings of his girlfriend/wife/lover/sister/daughter/friend, I just remind him THAT I BLEED FIVE DAYS OUT OF THE MONTH SO THAT HUMANITY CAN GO ON.

    Usually it shuts them up. Of course, I'm sure that the aformentioned guy is steering clear, because he's just realized that I'm actually female and prone to moodswings as well.

  5. Hahahaha Mind Slut. Love that term. I wondered if there was a name for people like you. And no. You don't look as tired and bitchy as Kate "reverse mullet" Gosselin. She's a hag.

  6. Nothing wrong with being a mind slut!

  7. When JR first got is snip job I worried every time I was late. It freaked me the hell out. PLEASE GOD NO MORE KIDS!! I got better.

  8. You're right, there is nothing worse than the knocked up scare. I'm with Michele, Jamie got snipped in March and I'm still on birth control for my PCOS but I STILL have pregnancy scared.

    I know, Kate Gosselyn is like a grandma and is almost my age. Damn.

  9. The Kardashian sisters? If having a big ass and big ass lips was all you needed to be a celebrity I'd be a fucking super star by now!

    PS - Stalking you now.

  10. Mind slut - I love that. And yes, I sit at my desk for an hour and accomplish nothing all the time.
    Gave you an award over on our blog: http://diamondatwork.blogspot.com/

  11. "According to the manual, we all should have been fired on the day we started and then brought up on charges."

    Funny!!! I'm sure true ... but funny!