Have you ever sat at your desk for an hour and suddenly realized that you've accomplished absolutely nothing because you've been absorbed in the dramatic lives of the Kardashian sisters even though you really could care less about them and now you will never get that hour of your life back?
I am a mind slut. By the time I make my way from the front door of the gym to the yoga room, I've mentality slept with half the guys in the weight room and a few on the cardio deck.
I cannot believe that Kate Gosselin chick is only 1 1/2 year older than I am. I wonder if I look that old and tired and bitchy.
Fancy Pants and I have reached a new level of intimacy. He came up to me the other day, reach towards my face and plucked something off my chin. Apparently age is getting to me and I had a teeny, tiny wayward hair on my chin. (Don't look at me like that. You know you all have something that is similarly icky and weird. Jokes about my being a bearded lady are not welcome). After he did it, he went about his business like it was nothing. Then he asked me to help him pop a zit on his cheek (After careful inspection, I declared it "not ready to go") He is officially my office brother now. You don't do that kind of stuff with just anyone.
We found the offices' policies and procedures manual the other day and had a good laugh at the section on sexual harassment. According to the manual, we all should have been fired on the day we started and then brought up on charges.
Nothing is worse than when your period is late. Even though you've had all the warning signs - bloat, crankiness, the desperate need for something saltysweetchocolateycrunchiechewy, the sudden unexplainable urge to maim your boss and all your coworkers, more bloat, etc - and you know there is no way in hell you could be pregnant, there is still that tiny voice inside your head whispering "Baby...Baby!... BABY!!!!! YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!! NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO?????" Thankfully, after only a few hours of panic, Aunt Flo arrives. Your initial relief and joy is replaced by annoyance as you realize now you have to bleed for the next few days. Life is cruel sometimes. I blame Eve. Nosy cunt. Why didn't she just leave that friggin' apple alone and have a peach?
That's a wrap, lovers. Stay naked and naughty.