Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Random Tuesday - Gay Dogs, Fashion Faux Pas and Toes.

Have you ever listened to music while having sex and suddenly realized that you were humping to the beat? Yeah....um....me neither.

Remember how I told you my dog leaves the room when we have sex. I came home from brunch on Sunday and found this:

Sex book in dog bed. I don't get it. Does this mean he likes sex now, is he curious, do we need to have "the talk". And why did he have to chew it?

Speaking of that particular dog, TH claims I've forced the dog into gaydom because I insisted we have him neutered - the dog....not TH. I have never understood why men automatically think there is some sort of cosmic connection between their balls and the dogs balls. One has nothing to do with the other.

The worst dressed woman in the world works at the office building next to mine. Every day, at exactly 12:15, she walks out to her car for lunch. Yesterday she was wearing a jean vest. A JEAN VEST, people! Those went out of style in the mid-90's. Fancy Pants and I have considered contacting "What Not To Wear" and nominating that office. They are a faux pas nightmare!!

I have a blister the size of a golf ball next to my pinkie toe thanks to that damn dance class. My toe swelled up to the size of a small sausage and none of my shoes would fit. I performed redneck surgery on it last night in the bathroom with a needle, antibacterial spray and and Neosporin. Today, it's down to hot dog size. Stay tuned.

If there is a naked woman walking around the gym locker room I'm gonna stare at her. I can't help it. It has nothing to do with lesbianism and everything to do with someone being naked infront of me. I've tried and I just can't stop myself.

Have you ever been terrified, infuriated, embarrassed, exhausted, disappointed, sad and indifferent all at the same time? That is how I feel today. It's making my brain hurt.

TH has to go away for the weekend and I'm already wondering what the hell I'm gonna do with myself. (notice I said "do with myself" and not "do to myself". We all know what I'll be doing "to" myself). Most people are excited when their spouses leave for a few days. I hate it. Time to break out the Sybian.

That's random wrap, lovers.


  1. Curiosity, it seems, does not apply only to cats.

  2. Do you stare at yourself when you're naked? Yeah...me neither. ;)

    Happy RTT!

  3. I had my husband's man balls neutered back in March and he's not gay.

  4. I wonder if Clinton and Stacy will fly to England to work on my lucite heel wearing mommy at the school...

  5. JR had his boys snipped 23 years ago. Didn't make him gay. Big K just has issues. It's okay some do.

    Try to enjoy your weekend sans the Big K. It is really a nice break. What is really not a nice break is six weeks. I'm just saying. 5 more days until JR shows up. Can you tell I'm excited. My vibrator has never worked so hard. The energizer bunny people are going to be so disappointed.

  6. Badass: Its crazy! I don't know how he got in there to get it!

    Cameron: I love being naked. I do not look at myself in the mirror unless there is someone behind me! :)

    Casey: Men and balls! It's just strange!

    Kat: Lucite heels would be an improvement for this bunch! They are just bad!

    Michele: 5 days 'til hump day!! Bet ur burning up the phone lines with naughty talk. I would be!

  7. My husband has the same stance on the removal of dog balls. I don't get why men think dogs are gay if they have no balls. I got our dogs jewels removed and it's not like he is barking with a lisp or shaking his hips when he walks.

    GOOD GAWD!!! A jean vest?!? I didn't know they made those anymore. How sad....

  8. I recently went shopping with my daughter, and noticed a jean vest hanging on the rack. It was black, and cropped. It was really ugly, and for a second I forgot where I was. It was like a time warp back to the 80's when I saw it. I thought maybe someone left it there but it was tagged for sale.

    My friends have a male cat who they got neutered, and he is totally gay. He continuously humps this Woody (toy story) doll her children own. And he cat calls while he's doing it. It makes my friend so mad, but I just laugh. I've never seen a cat as horny as that one, especially one with no balls.

  9. Jean vests were neve in style!