Friday, June 26, 2009

BuildingThe Perfect Man

The other day I was in my office when Partner #1 popped in to have a quick meeting. As he was saying his parting words, I noticed that he had really nice eyes. They had long, lush lashes and an excellent shape. I don't remember what color they were, but they were really pretty.

After he left, I decided to daydream for a few minutes. Maybe a little virtual "afternoon delight" with VinDiesel. I stared out the window at the miserable weather, the rain pouring in sheets down the glass and the trees whipping wildly in the wind. It was at that moment thought how great it would be if I could build the perfect looking man. Now, Now! Don't be judging me. You know men do it. Eager for my new game, I decided to challenge myself and limit the body part selection to just the guys in my office. As a whole, not one of them does anything for me. In fact, some of them gross me out entirely. Sure, I may have had a sex dream about one of them. It still gives me an all over body shudder when I think back on it.

Anywhoo, here's a look at my thought process:

Okay, so we take Partner #1's eyes....maybe his lips too and add Red Sox Fans hair....wait a, not his....let's use SurferDudes hair....yeah, he's got a nice mane....hmmmm....what about the butt. Whose butt should I use....great now I'm stumped. Everyone here has a terrible ass. Am I hungry? I could be hungry. I just had breakfast but I'm still starving. Okay, maybe I can use SurferDudes....his butt's cute. Ewwww. Now I feel icky. Whatever. Now the legs. Definitely RedSoxFan. He's got killer stems....wait....weren't they....nope, I remember now, they're good....well, at least his calves are....not so sure about his thighs....great, there's that icky feeling again. Arms, now I need arms. Damnit! Why don't any of these guys work out? There is no one here that has good arms. I guess I could use Partner #3. Ugh, that's like putting motor oil on a hot fudge sundae. But, he seems to be the only option....why won't it stop I smell donuts....focus, I must focus....a chest, I need to put a chest on my imaginary man......seriously, what is with this rain. It's been like 30 days now. I'm gonna need to build an ark. CHEST!! My man needs a chest. Partner #1? There is a possibility that his might work. He's a little on the slender side. Not sure if it would work with SurferDudes ass....where is that fucking donut smell coming from? Did someone bring donuts in this office? pretend man is shoulderless! Who should have to give up his shoulders? Oh! PatsFan. His are super wide. And excellent choice.....HEY, he has a donut! There are donuts in the office. This is just not working. The men I work are making this stupid game impossible and there are donuts here somewhere. I give up.

See, the perfect man is unattainable. Especially if food is involved and the creator has a little A.D.D.


  1. I'm pretty sure I lost a few brain cells trying to follow that.

  2. So many's hard to pick just the right part and well you're in an office setting so it's impossible to see some of the more pertinent parts. p.s. I'm also easily distracted by donuts.

  3. Wow, you had some time on your hands. You may want to find a different daydreaming scenario.

    Wish I could spend you some sunshine and heat. We have to damn much of it down here.

  4. The perfect man? Once you finish tweaking out the flaws, send me the prototype and I'll give him a go.