- I have 14 half emptied salt packets in my top desk drawer. Every time I get take-out I use the one that comes with the meal and never remember to finish off an old packet.
- One of the walls in my office is a gigantic window. There is a tiny goldfinch that has been trying to fly into it for the past two days. When that doesn't work, he perches on the bottom sill, pecks at the window and chirps at me. His mate just sits in the tree and watches him. I keep thinking, "Dumb bitch! Why don't you tell your husband he's wrong"
- I have been roped into entering a team triathlon in August. My father has asked my sister and I to compete with him. He will be biking 26 miles, my sister will swim 3/4 of a mile and I will run a 10K. Did I mention that this bloody thing is in Cleveland, OH? Cleveland in August. It might as well be on the surface of the sun! It's fucking hot that time of year!
- Even though my house is only 12 years old, I think we might have a ghost. For some reason or another, my black thong keeps appearing in different places around the house. One day it was on the stairs and the next day it was on the kitchen counter. I have been returning it to my bureau drawer every time I find it. I don't think the previous owner killed anyone in the house. The only crime he committed was to sell all the fill and topsoil in the backyard for cocaine money before he lost the house to the bank.
- I have to wear my iPod in the late hours of the afternoon because one of the associates sounds like a goober on the phone. It is so painful to listen to that I stick one of the headphones on and try to block it out with Metallica or something else angry. Phrases like "How are you doing with your bad self?" and "Oaky Dockey Shmoocky" make me puke.
- Fruit flies have invaded our office. They were born in Surfer Dudes pig pen of an office and have since entered the air conditioning vents. The little fuckers evade assassination attempts, fly up your nose and buzz around your head.
- I have an unfounded belief that soda is bad for you....unless eat it with pizza. There is something about the grease and cheese that cancels out the chemicals.
1. Black Horse and a Cherry Tree - KT Turnstall
2. Womanizer - Britney Spears (don't judge me)
3. Come Undone - Duran Duran
4. Stupid Girls - Pink
5. Mustang Sally - Los Lobos
6. Techno Syndrome - The Immortals
7. A Neverending Dream - Cascada
8. Standing on the Outside - Dokken
9. Land of Confusion - Disturbed
10. How Long - Hinder
That's a Tuesday wrap, lovers. Don't forget the contest. Send me your goodies!!!