Me (calling from upstairs): Hon, I'm naked up here. Do you want to do something about it?
TH: Not right now.
Me (annoyed but not giving up): Why not?
TH: 'Cuz I'm on the couch watching golf and I don't want to get up.
Me: What if I come down there?
TH: I'll still be watching golf.
Damn, we are a hot couple.
- Where did the saying "I'm gonna beat the shit outta him" come from? Why would you want to beat the shit out of anyone? Wouldn't that be messy and a bit on the smelly side? What idiot came up with that one?
- I am convinced that Mariah Carey cannot leave the house without showing at least 3/4 of her boobs. I wonder if it's in her contract or something. Regardless, she is a disgusting, talentless whore. Yes, I am jealous. Of her boobs. Not the disgusting, talentless whore part.
- I think that it is hysterical when my dog farts and scares himself. He jumps and then quickly looks in the direction of his ass with a look that says "WTF just happened?" It doesn't take much to amuse me.
- Automatic toilets never work for me. Either they flush when I walk in the stall or just as I'm starting to "hover" (I refuse to sit on public toilets). After I've peed, I spend the next 5 minutes or so jumping from side to side in the stall trying to make it flush. This is especially amusing when there are people waiting in line for a stall. I'm also that woman who is frantically waving her hands underneath the automatic towel dispenser. Those fucking things won't work for me either.
- WARNING! CATTY COMMENT COMING UP! I enjoy it when we have new people join kickboxing class. Especially when it's one of those women who sashay in and make a big scene. They have their cute little outfits on and they push their way up to the front and make a big deal about being up there. They start flirting with the instructor and make sure we all notice them. Suuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrre we notice them. We notice when they are falling all over the place halfway thru the class and have to duck out in embarrassment. See here sweetie, if you had walked in like an nonbitch and stuck to the back until you learned the routine your wouldn't have been branded as a stuck up cunt. Whew! That felt good!
- I have found the secret to getting fresh french fries every time you go to McDonalds regardless of the hour. Order them without salt. They have to make them fresh. Then, just put them in the bag with a few packets of salt and shake. VOILA! Fresh french fries. You're welcome.
- I have made the decision to start using rechargeable batteries. I'm going thru packs of them!