Do You Think They Would Notice If I Put Porn On My Expense Account?

Excerpt from the Associated Press:

LONDON - Porn movies, horse manure, a chocolate Santa Claus: Expense claims by British lawmakers to pay for an array of items were exposed by a newspaper today.

Britain's Daily Telegraph published details of claims related to 13 ministers and offered examples of hundreds of other bills submitted by lawmakers to Parliamentary authorities.................In March, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith acknowledged she'd claimed the costs of two pay-per-view porn movies watched by her husband. Smith said she later repaid the money.

Those freaky Brits. They act all uppity and reserved eating their tea and scones while wearing tweed and poo-pooing the slobby Americans. Who knew that the Home Secretary's husband was spanking the monkey to not one but TWO pay-per-view pornos. On second thought, I will take back the implied shock at his needing two movies to get the job done. Pay-per-view porn is terrible. He'd probably had just got it up when the movie ended and he needed a second one to finish the job.

I don't really get much to write off on my taxes and my expense account consist of incidental office supplies and whatnots. Wouldn't it be wonderful to figure out a way to write off my toys and porn? I wonder how the P's would feel if I put my most recent toy purchase on my expense account at the end of the month? It would be under the heading "Stress Relief". Would naughty movies fall under the heading of "Entertainment" on my tax returns? I know I only get to claim half of that expense, but it's still an expense.