Monday, July 27, 2009

Rock Hard Nipple Racing

I'm still in training for my team triathlon on August 9th.
I'm the one sporting the rock hard nipples in the gray tank top. I didn't realize it was happening until we got back to the car. I'm gonna use band aids next week. So embarrassing! I wasn't cold and I don't think that I was horny. Who knows what invoked that reaction.

For the first time ever, TH watched me race. Although I was thrilled he was there, everything went wrong. I was so distracted, I forgot to drink my energy gel pack which is this vile stuff that is suppose to taste like fruit, but instead tastes like bile. I choked it down 10 minutes before the race and it proceeded to dance up my throat for the first mile. Yum.
At the exact moment I hit the 2nd mile marker, my iPod froze up right in the middle of a Dropkick Murphy's song. No tunes for the next 3 miles. Instead, I was treated to the sounds of the woman running with me as she grunted, panted and sang along with her iPod that was working quite well. She also decided to running right next to me even though we had an entire lane to run in. During the 3rd mile, she bumped into me 4 times, apologizing each time. If she'd done it a 5th time I was going to body slam her out of the way. During the last 1/2 mile, I was so annoyed that I sucked in a huge lung full of oxygen and plowed ahead, beating her by at least 30 seconds.

I never stay for the festivities after a race. I usually get my free bottle of water and leave, eager to get home, shower and inhale large quantities of egg and cheese wrapped in a flour tortilla. But, Big K wanted to stay. There was a rock band, cheeseburgers and beer. He was in the mood to party. It didn't matter if his wife had just run a 82 degree heat....with 100% humidity....up some very large ass hills....and now sported some insane leg chaffing that looked like a venereal disease was creeping down her legs. He wanted some cooked cow.

I admit, sheepishly, it was fun to stay and enjoy the party. I'm sure everyone else enjoyed it too as they were able to stare at my rock hard nipples the whole time. TH made up for my lack of appetite and pounded a hamburger and oysters on the half shell. I wish I could have been as hard core as some of the other runners who were pounding free beer. I drank 4 bottles of water in 15 minutes instead.

My nipples and I will be at the Cape Cod Irish Pub's Road Race this Saturday. This is my last training race until I travel to Ohio on August 7th. Come and cheer me on! If you figure out who I am, I just might have a prize for ya!


  1. Damn it! I'm not going to be anywhere near Ohio on August 7th. Sure, you don't have a run in Texas coming up? Maybe Louisiana, Oklahoma or even *gasp* Mississippi?

  2. And nice work with the marathon, you (and your nips) rock!

  3. Ha, rock hard runner! Mine get like that when it's hot out, when it's cold out, always. Actually, I'm speaking for my old nipples... not sure what these guys will do now that they've been relocated. I know, gross.

  4. Seriously awesome work with the marathons. I couldn't do it!

    And just think of your nipples as pointing in the direction that you're running. Just in case there was any confusion.

  5. So what was your time?

    I know you've been in training and I've been...well, not training, but I need a kick start to get back into running. Maybe I'll come run this Saturday morning and see what happens.

    But before I officially challenge you to a duel, I want to know what I'm up against. So spill it woman, give me your time!

  6. WOO-HOO for you! Finishing races have been some of the most exciting moments of my boring life. And I feel you on the nipples...that's why I wear dark-colored running gear!

    If you ever decide to race down South, holler at me and I'll run with ya. Honestly 82 degree heat/humidity sounds like a DREAM compared to the 101 degree heat/humidity I ran in yesterday. Thought I was gonna hurl...

  7. Go You!!!! I can't see any nipples on that teeny photo, so get back on the computer and send me a zoomed cop pronto!!!

  8. That happens to be me at the gym all the time and I don't understand it either!

    Great job on the race! And good luck in the upcoming ones!

  9. yeah, where @ in Ohio????????

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