Today is International Women's Day. According to the website, "It is a major day of global celebration of women. In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements." Some places even gave people the day off from work. Apparently I missed that memo last week. So, here I am. Sitting in my cell while all the other people enjoy this 50 degree day.
I am a horrible traitor to my sex. Even though I am passed over day after month after year because I have a vagina, it still irks me when women get themselves all up in a tizzy due to gender equality. Ladies, you must chill. Walking around screaming is not gonna convince the men folk they should let us play ball. We are immediately labeled "psycho chicks" by the penis brigade and it starts all over again.
So, I propose this. Instead of going all mental and proclaiming all men suck and women should be allowed the same rights as men while marching down the street, waving signs and burning your bras, why don't you try a more stealthy tactic. How do you get your man to do what you want? (I don't mean withhold sex) That's right, you trick him. I do it around the office all the time and it works like a charm. Sneaky tactics, ladies. You have to think like a guy, to play with the big boys.
In celebrations of Chick Day, I give you some of my favorite gals:
Jenna Jameson: Fabulous porn star, super successful, total babe.
Rachel Maddow: Talk show host. Screamingly funny and brilliant as all can be. Makes new/politics easy for me to digest.
Meryl Streep - Didn't win the Oscar, but the best damn actress out there.
Madonna - Total psycho, but in a good way. Inspired me to be naked and tell people to go fuck themselves if they thought I was different because I like sex.
Paula Dean - Made butter and bacon fat fashionable again. Love her!
Kate Winslet - Got mad at magazines for airbrushing her flaws and curves. You go girl!
RuPaul - Because I'm convinced he's a woman with a penis. Work it!
My Mom - because she continues to be horrified by my behavior and blog, but loves me anyway.
My Grandmother - because she claims she is horrified by my behavior and blog, but secretly reads it.
Sarah Holl - Fabulous artist friend who paints me naked and makes me feel beautiful.
There are many others, who I have failed to mention, but I stayed up and watched the Oscars last night and my brain is working on fumes.
Gentlemen, make sure you give your lady some love to night. Ladies, give your ladies some love tonight. I mean, oral, dammit. Get down on you knees and do it.