Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Farewell To Hell

It is with a light-heart and a joyful scream at the top of my lungs I announce I have resigned my position at Satan's Workshop. I have 3 more weeks of misery before I begin the job that was to become my destiny when I married TH. The family business. I was told asked last week to step up and take my place.

From those of you who followed me when I was over at Diamond in the Rough, you remember all of horror I have gone through in the past few years. If you’ve never read the posts on how I spend my days, click here or here. If you need to know exactly who my nemesis is, click here. Every day has been an agony filled, desperate plea for some sort of appreciation as I did everything humanly possible to make this corporation be everything it could. Most days were filled with abuse or disregard. Like the time Partner #3 told me I looked fat. Or the time one of the associates called me on a Sunday morning. There was also the time I realized I was so addicted to the drama I couldn’t function without it. The worst day was when I was finally acknowledged for my efforts and Partner #3 decided it wasn’t important enough for him to attend. I finally strapped on a pair and told him exactly what I thought of him.

To the Partners: You will miss me when I’m gone. It is sad you never realized my full potential. There is no one quite like me. It will be tough to find a girl who can do everything you ask and still have time to sexually harass her coworkers. There will be no more jokes about cream spilled on the counter in the break room and SurferDude will have no one to inform that his office reeks like farts. There will be no one to call on a Saturday afternoon when a file has gone missing or you just can’t remember the name of the guy who called 4 weeks ago with a problem on the file you can’t find. There will be no one to stay until 9 PM to work on that project you’ve known about for 3 weeks but is due tomorrow and someone has to help you finish it. There will be no one to crawl under desks and tables wearing her pencil skirt and 4 inch heels because you can’t figure out why you can’t get on the internet and someone has to check the computer wiring. The next person you hire will probably think they’re too good to climb around in the utility room to find the “music on hold” controller for the phone system because the power went out and now it needs to be reset. They probably won’t spend time after hours at Best Buy searching for a wireless system for your home or talking to the computer geeks about the best way to back up your laptop because you couldn’t possibly be connect to the main computer system. This person probably won’t remember your birthday or get you a thoughtful present you won’t remember to thank her for. She won’t make sure the toilet paper is stocked in the men’s room or get an air freshener because it is so disgusting in there. She won’t try to get your mood up when you’re stressed or ask if there is anything she can do to help when you’re frazzled. She won’t lend a sympathetic ear when you’re complaining about each other and keep all that information to herself. There will be no one to make fun of the bizarre people who walk around the office parking lot talking to themselves. There will be no one bragging about not wearing underwear or complaining she hasn’t gotten any good email porn. There also won’t be anyone to share the naughty emails she gets from her grandmother. There will be no one to boast your ego (even though its all lies and you know it) and no one to make you laugh with self deprecating humor.

In conclusion, you will miss me. Maybe not at first, but it will hit you. The mood of the office will change and no one will be there to answer my extension when you call for the 40th time in an hour. I won’t be the first smile you see in the morning and the last one at night. I'm aware no employee is indispensable, but you had a real gem in me. It’s too bad you will only see it when I’m gone.

Three weeks….until I can breathe.


  1. congrats!!!!
    its always bittersweet to leave a job youve done so well in while battling the demons . but now you can do more for yourself !!!:D
    much hugs!!!!

  2. Yay!!!!

    You needed out. They'll miss you but they won't know it. Change your phone number because they'll call you. I know because my company did that for over 3 weeks.

  3. You go girl! They're going to miss you like hell - but y'know what? They deserve it, becasue they never appreciated you!!

    Good luck!

  4. HURRAH!!! Congrats darlin'. I'm glad you've finally gotten out of there and you're right, they WILL miss you!

    Good luck :)

  5. Holy crap, I leave you for a few days and I miss this major announcement.

    but congratulations, that's awesome. And yes, I'm sure they will miss you but I have to believe this is for the best. Of course now if you complain about your bosses you're risking a family calamity! =)

  6. Good for you, girl!!! You will definitely be missed but you deserve something much better than putting up with all that bullshit.