Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just A Little About My Day

I know, it's another one from before. But, things are nuts here!!

For all of you that are just a bit curious, this is a typical weekday for me:

5:50 AM - Hit snooze button on my alarm clock. Pry myself out of bed and dress for a run.

6:00 AM - Run back into bedroom and turn off alarm because I hit snooze and not "off".

6:05 AM - Sweat and swear through my morning run.

7:00 AM - Arrive back at house looking like I have been tortured for days, my face tomato red and I'm hyperventilating.

7:45 AM - I am fed, showered, dressed and in my car on the way to the office.

7:55 AM - Arrive at office after a serious internal struggle not to stop for a second breakfast at the bagel place.

8:00 AM - I'm in.

8:02 AM - Partner #3 calls and I groan as I look at the caller ID. Does he watch the clock waiting for me to get in? He rattles off a plethora of tasks (most of them semi-impossible) and ...oh, can I get all this done by noon? I love this man dearly, but I am having homicidal urges.

8:10 AM - I go to the breakroom to make my first cup of coffee and find that we are out of cream. I do a few yoga breaths to calm myself and go to the convenience store to get more.

8:20 AM - I'm at my desk, I have my coffee, I'm ready to go.

8:35 AM - Partner #1 arrives, yells "Hello" and shuts himself in his office like a hermit. He won't surface until 11ish.

8:40 AM - I begin to wade through the 357 emails that I've received over night. I delete all of the Viagra ads, messages from some Regal Prince in Nigeria who wants to send me 30 million dollars if I send him a check for the shipping, ads from 18 different singles sites, a few ads for penis enlargers, a letter from some women who wants to marry me and make me happy, and the assorted free porn sites etc. I'm left with 24 real emails.

8:55 AM - Fancy Pants arrives and I struggle not to hug him for coming in today. I know it's his job but I'm terrified he might leave me someday. He is my sanity!

9:00 - 11:00 AM - The guys begin to file in.

9:10 AM - The copier is jammed and "nobody" knows how it happened. I spend the next 15 minutes on the floor, with my ass in the air, burning my fingers on the machine parts that are heated to 800 degrees from being used while jammed with paper, smearing toner on my face and swearing at the top of my lungs. Unfortunately, the jammed paper is unreadable and I can't figure out who might have been using it. "Nobody" escapes unscathed.

9:35 AM - Time for coffee #2.

9:50 AM - The Cupcake Man strolls into my office and asks me to do some research for a client that he's meeting in 10 mins. It is imperative that he has it for this meeting. The information desired is no less elaborate than the location of the Holy Grail. I find myself secretly plotting revenge as I dive through a mountain of internet sites and miraculously find the information he was looking for in time for the meeting. He has been in the office for almost an hour and this is when he asks me to do the research.

10:30 AM - Time for coffee #3. I yell at Surfer Dude for not refilling the coffee maker with water. I'm not sure if he did it, but his office is the closest and I take my rage out on him. As I wait for the water to heat, I clean up the 2 cups of sugar that have been sprinkled all over the counter.

11:15 AM - Partner #2 arrives for the day.

11:19 AM - Partner #2 leaves for the day to play 18 holes.

11:30 AM - I am starving! I get coffee #4 and try to fend off the hunger pains until noon. I stop by Surfer Dudes office and get the low-down on his love life. I make a few suggestions, and wish him luck on "getting some" real soon.

12:00 PM - Fancy Pants and I begin the daily query of "Where should we get lunch." This lasts for 15-20 minutes and finishes in the usual way....I end up eating the healthy, nutritious, low fat lunch I brought from home wishing I could have a cheeseburger.

12:30PM - I'm halfway through a yogurt when Bob the Builder strolls into my office and sits down. This man has an internal signal that goes off when I'm eating and it make him come into my office for something...and that something always requires a sit down meeting.

12:45 PM - I have indigestion from my meeting.

1:00 PM - Partner #3 breezes into my office, plops down a massive file and says "Can you fix this? I need it like yesterday" I roll my eyes and tell him I will take care of it if he would please get out of my office.

1:16 PM - I've had to pee for at least 45 minutes and can't seem to make it past my office door. Everyone wants something.

1:30 PM - It's been 30 minutes and my office still smells like Partner #3's cologne. Now, after working on his newest do I.

1:45 PM - Finally make it to the ladies room.

1:55 PM - The other fucking copier gets jammed. More ass in the air, finger burning and alot more swearing.

2:00 PM - I desperately need sort of alcoholic drink but settle for green tea.

2:10 PM - Partner #1 has surfaced and asks me for a few simple tasks. Piece of cake. Aside from the evil comments he made about my colorless wardrobe, this man is a gem! So easy.

3:00 PM - Surfer Dude makes his daily visit to my office. We make a few rude & inappropriate comments to each other and then go about our afternoon.

3:23 PM - I need something sweet. A quick search around the office nets me nothing. All men....all on diets.

4:00 PM - I have finally finished Partner #3's file and dump it on his desk

4:15 PM - Partner #3 has change the entire file and needs it by 5 PM.

4:17 PM - I give the next telemarketer who calls Partner #3's name as a contact person....just a little revenge for this latest torture.

4:59 PM - I am sweating through the last of Partner #3's file and he strolls in to tell me it's not a big deal if I don't finish the file. He's going to send it out tomorrow instead. I desperately look around my desk for something to throw at him. I can't find anything quick enough and he's already walked out.

5:00 PM - Fancy Pants leaves for the day. I try not to cry.

5:30 PM - Everyone is gone! I am finally alone. I crank up the internet radio, look longingly at the pile on my desk that I had planned on working through and instead I finish up Partner #3's file.

6:00 PM - I'm out! Time to go home and start Round 2 - dutiful wife. Dinner, laundry and BED....possibly some assorted naughties if Big K is awake.


  1. Wow. It sounds much more exciting than doing laundry, changing diapies, watching Dora and making dinner.

  2. Perhaps the reason why no one knows how to fix the copier is so they can see you on the floor, ass in the air.

    Premium office entertainment right there.

  3. And that's why I'm so glad to be self-employed. I could never do all that. You're Wonder Woman, darling!

  4. Heather: I will switch with you ANY DAY!!! :)

    Badass Geek: You're probably right. The sadistic jerks!

    Lola: yes, I am! Minus the fabulous rack!

  5. Ug. Come work with me. Although, we DO have plenty of Partner #2s at my office too. Also, bravo for running and swearing at the same time. I wish we lived closer. I'd get up just to see the sailor mouthed jogger every morning.

  6. Hmmm, what are the benefits like? LOL

  7. Steenky Bee: My sailor mouth comes with me everywhere! It's a product of living with Big K. He is the worst!

    Heather: No real benefits...except for experience of working here. I may want to beat them about the head most of the time, but I love my guys. They keep life interesting.

  8. I really enjoyed reading this. I am so impressed that you get up that early to run!

  9. Becky: It is my addiction to french fries and my love of pasta that drives me to action at that unholy hour!