Monday, October 13, 2008

Don't Ask For It If You're Not Going To Follow It...

Well, now that my contest has been sqwash by "Movie Buff Diana" before it could even get going, I have to write something. (Congrads again to Diana. I'm glad someone else shares my Audrey fetish too!)

In a previous post, I had done a little "Write to Know" section. I had posted a "Whatcha wanna to know about women" offering on a Men's Health Forum.(which I now avoid like the plague. Those guys are really weird) I got lots of replies and posted my answers. One of the questions was:

Why do women tell us their problems and not want answers or solutions?

To which I answered: Because we already know the answer.

I'm starting to think the same of men.

As I have previously stated, I've always been one of those people that unintentionally instills the worst case of T.M.I (Too Much Information) in others. I myself fall into this category. But, I'm pretty selective about my audience. I think it's because I know how they feel. Many people, after knowing me only a few minutes, suddenly catch a bad case of word vomit and begin spilling their guts to me about everything. And I do mean everything. I was recently treated to a conversation about a yeast affliction and there was no bread being baked in this story. I had only met this gentleman 2 minutes before. I haven't been able to eat yogurt since. (he told me that's what he was using to cure the problem)

Just this past week, I have become the sounding board for a guy going through a crazy relationship. I am always willing to help people thru their problems. So, when he started pouring his heart out to me, I sat back and listened. Recognizing typical female nasty behavior, I offered the sage advice of, "She is toying with you. DO NOT CALL HER. DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN SHE CALLS YOU. Do not text, IM, email, sky write, give hand signals or telepathically contact her. Let it be. You guys have broken up 3 times in the past 2 weeks. You need to take a breather and let it cool down."

Does he listen to me? Nooooooooooo. He does the exact opposite and now things are crazier than before.

I'm not one of those gals that coos and awes when someone is going thru a relationship problem and seeks my advice. I will give you straight, no bullshit answers. I'm much better at a guy having a problem with a girl than girl having a problem with a guy. Guy to girl is easy. I am a woman. I know women. Women are evil, conniving, vicious creatures. We play mind games, we toy, provoke, use sex as a weapon and will twist a situation around. I know this because I (shamefully) have done these things before. (Mind you I was very young and stupid).

So, if a man asks me why a women is acting a particular way or wants to know how he can get positive results to a problem, I have at least a 98% chance of giving a correct answer. In this situation, I was totally dead-on balls accurate!

I'm going to start charging for my time. Do you think $100/hr is too much?


  1. $100.00 an hour is perfectly comparable to a therapist, it might even be cheaper. Sounds like a good rate to me.

  2. Are you in network with my insurance? I'll give you a co-pay.

  3. I second Diana's emotion. Charge him or at least get a good lunch out of it. :)

  4. Diana: Good to know! I don't want to be cheap! :)

    Badass: That is a good point. But, you're a doll. I'll give you a free session.

    Steenky bee: I will work for food...or shoes. first!

  5. I get people spilling their nasty guts to me in the first five minutes of meeting them. I think I make them nervous or something.

    I once had a woman tell me that she's got three kids but has been pregnant eight times in her life and that her father was a drunk child molester who shot himself in front of her. I think all I had said was, Hi, nice to meet you.

    No one takes advice, honey. They just get mad at you for making them feel like failures after they can't take action.