Friday, October 17, 2008

Maid Service

Positive news on The Cupcake Man...he has improved a little bit! YEAH!!!!! Thank you all for your kind thoughts and bloggy love!
Here's another oldie!

To My Guys, With Love:

A few things that are annoying me at the moment:

"We are almost out of toilet paper/papertowel" This phrase should be uttered when we have a couple rolls of toilet paper/papertowel left in the storeroom. Don't come to me when there are a few pieces hanging from the last roll in the entire office. Do you think that I have a secret cache in my desk drawer?

"This is the bathroom spray from the men's room. It doesn't work. I think we're out". This is said as you plop the nasty can on my desk. Now I have a dirty bottle that has been in the men's room (gross!!!) and I have been inadvertently informed of what you were just doing in there with it.

The sugar all over the counter in the breakroom. How old are you? Four? How is it that you manage to get more sugar on the counter then in your cup? Don't you notice the white crystals all over the gray counter? If you did notice them, why didn't you wipe it up?

Throwing something in an overflowing trash can only to have it fall on the floor and leave it there. I know that you saw it fall out. Are you too lazy to reach over and pick it up....or....God forbid....empty the trash can yourself? I cannot run around the office picking up your little pieces of paper.

"Borrowing" the stapler from the copy room and forgetting to return it. It has a huge, white label on it that says "COPY ROOM". It does not belong in the conference room, at the front desk, on a miscellaneous file cabinet, in my office, in your office, in the breakroom next to the coffee machine or next to the fax machine. You have a stapler at your desk. USE IT!

Running one of the copiers out of paper and moving to the other copier to finish the job without refilling the first one. You know that I'm going to find out who you are and when I do, there will be hell to pay. For some reason, I am always the first person to follow you after this happens and I'm stuck refilling the trays. This pisses me off to no end and I will get you for this.

Calling me, after I've just left you a voicemail that you neglected to listen to and asking me what I wanted. Listen to your voicemail, jack ass!

Leaving used staples all over the counter in the copy room Are you all blind? First it's the damn sugar, now its friggin' staples. Do you not know how to clean up after yourself?

Using the conference room with clients and leaving empty coffee cups and other assorted crap in there when you are finished. Do I look like a bus girl? Do I have a name tag? No!

"I need it, like yesterday" Then why didn't you give it to me yesterday? I bet you knew about it then, didn't you? Okay, after I finish cleaning up the damn sugar, I'll hop in my time machine and get it done for you.

"I can't find..........." Did you really look for it? Or did you look for two seconds and then stomp in my office to beg me to find it for you. If I go in there and see that it's been move over 2.5 inches and you didn't find it, I'm making you carry me back to my office so I receive no more wear and tear on these fabulous shoes.

There are two cartons of cream in the refrigerator and they are both open. Did you check? No, you didn't. You just grabbed the first one you saw. What is wrong with you? I know that your wife doesn't let you get away with this at home.

Asking me if something is done yet, when I have told you I will call you when I've finish. Have I called you....No, I haven't. THEN IT'S NOT DONE YET!!!! At what point did I lose you in all of this?

I love you all, but sometimes you DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!


  1. "I can't find" is a normal occurrence at my house. Apparently women are the only ones capable of finding anything. I think our uterus's are tracking devices.

  2. I do the "I can't find" thing, too. I want to make my wife feel needed.

  3. I'm sorry. I'm gagging and dry heaving from thinking about the bathroom spray being plopped on your desk. I would run away screaming.

  4. Kat: I think so too!!!

    Badass: Big K does that to me all the time! He will spend 10 minutes looking for a coat in the closet, not find it and accuse me of "hiding it". I will walk over to the same closet, move one coat aside with a finger and pull out the exact coat he was looking for.

    goooooood girl: Hello Spammer!

    Steenky bee: It was totally gross. They really like to share everything with me. It's like having tons of big brothers.

  5. Whenever my son or husband tell me they can't find anything, I tell them that they better look harder, because if I find it, I will throw it out.

    Guess what - they go find whatever they were looking for. Mama don't play that game.

    Just seeing bathroom spray makes me gag.

  6. [snicker] that was hilarious...
    but I am sure, true to life...

    I had to become pretty self-sufficient due to my wife's health, otherwise, I probably wouldn't even be able to wipe myself...

    J/ (