Thursday, April 9, 2009

Reason #437 That I Hate Him

I know that I'm always doling out sex advice in this blog. It's my thing. But today I thought I would give you a bit of life advice as well. Most of you ladies know this and a few of you fella's have been taught this important life lesson as well:

Never, Never, NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. More importantly, never ask a pregnant woman how far along she is. These questions are just no-no's.

I know there is other pregnancy etiquette that you must follow. Don't touch the belly, don't ask if they know what the sex of the baby is....and other intrusive questions that people seem to think it's ok to ask. Anyone who crosses this line should volunteer to be the leather strap that is chewed during labor or be made to watch the birthing video (shudder) over and over again.

But there is also something you should never say to a woman - pregnant or not: "Gee, You look pregnant". Partner #3 (aka the reason I'm developing an ulcer) crossed this line the other day.

It was casual Friday. So I wore something a bit more dressed down than usual; dress pants, heels (duh!), a camisole top and cardigan type sweater. The top was blousy and flowed around my middle rather than fitted to my shape. I was standing in Partner #3's office, getting my usual chore list, when he said, "You know, you look pregnant in the top"

I don't know what stopped me from flying over his desk and jamming my pen in his eye, but I managed to maintain control. Maybe it was total shock at his comment, maybe it was the realization that a murder conviction would make my future career choices more narrow. But, the comment hit home and I've been freaking out ever since. After a few minutes, he realized his mistake. He tried to cover up his faux pas by saying he meant that I looked "heathy and glowing" But, it was too late. I had entered "Crazy Chick Lack of Self Esteem Oh My God Someone Thinks I'm Fat" meltdown, Stage 1. It is at this stage were you swear off everything that is enjoyable and vow to eat cardboard for the rest of you life.

I'm not fat. I can say that with certainty. I may not be ready for a Victoria Secret photoshoot, but I'm in pretty decent shape. I still have spots that need work and toning, but I do not look pregnant. No sir, no way, no how. That still doesn't change the fact that someone has hinted that I'm might look round. I know he was just pushing my buttons and trying to piss me off. (It's his MO and always will be) But, the proverbial line has been crossed. He called me fat. (I am by no means stating that pregnant women look fat. There is a difference. In this case he was telling me that I had a large stomach)

Have I mentioned to him that when he stands with poor posture that his stomach sticks out and makes him look like he has a roll above his belt? Have I mentioned that when he lifts he should pay more attention to his shoulder area because it's lacking and makes him look disproportionate? No....I haven't.

But, now I will. The gloves are off!


  1. He was totally in the wrong here. He's such an ass. Go get him!!!

  2. wow. I'm so sorry! I know how hurtful the inappropriate and thoughtless comments of friends and strangers can be. I have been subject to the following: "you're huge", "How many are in there?", "When are you due, any day now huh?" -that was at 7 months - and a variety of other careless comments. Inluding the following comment from the WalMart Greeter: "Girl, you're getting around good for being so big" - and she was really loud about it too - this was 2 weeks ago. It saddens me to say that all of those comments were dolled out by other women - mostly mothers- who have been there! I wish I could tell you something witty to make you feel better - but I can't. This baby has sucked out all my brain cells! Only 21 more days to go! Go get a Whopper and enjoy it!

  3. *sorry just saw i had mispellings everywhere on my last comment Lol)

    oh man , i would totaly leave samples of viagra on his desk or 1-800 pamplets to to him to get his ass back.. guys can be rude assholes at times..

  4. What a dickweed. If he saw me, he might think I was the octomom. You do not look pregnant in any way, I swear. Fucktard. Him, not you.

  5. Oh, man. I feel sorry for him only because I know of the wrath that he faces.

    But yeah, tear him a new one to teach him a lesson.

  6. I agree...boys are stupit!! :)

  7. OK, first of all, it was a dumb thing to say.

    But second, I've met you. A few times. Granted, I haven't met you since you ingested half the world's supply of corndogs at the track, but that's a moot point. And I can say with certainty that you do not look like you are with child in any way, shape or form. And what's more, you already KNOW this because you said it in your post.

    So why get all bent out of shape when you know it's true, and anyone who's seen you recently knows it's true? If this is his M.O. than you should be used to insensitive comments. If he was a co-worker I'd say fight him to the death, but since he's one of your bosses...unfortunately you just might have to let it go while simultaneously snipping a bit of his hair to put on a voodoo doll which you stab repeatedly during your lunch break.

    So don't sweat it. You're hot. Even my wife said she'd do you (and she's very picky about her female companions). Let it go and ignore him.

  8. 'you're healthy and glowing?' *snort laughter* nice cover up. Insert foot, please

  9. Holy shit! What a royal asshole!!! Unfortunately, there is no way to prepare for inappropriate comments of that nature. And coming from the workplace only makes it worse. But don't worry...what goes around comes around. He'll get his in the end.

  10. I have just given my husband the advise of "unless you see a baby actually being expelled from that womans vagina, do not ask when she is due" Also, you are so not fat. I know because I have seen pictures of you and even due to what I am gonna call Corndog Fest '09 there is no way in the world you could be considered fat.