I know that I'm always doling out sex advice in this blog. It's my thing. But today I thought I would give you a bit of life advice as well. Most of you ladies know this and a few of you fella's have been taught this important life lesson as well:
Never, Never, NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. More importantly, never ask a pregnant woman how far along she is. These questions are just no-no's.
I know there is other pregnancy etiquette that you must follow. Don't touch the belly, don't ask if they know what the sex of the baby is....and other intrusive questions that people seem to think it's ok to ask. Anyone who crosses this line should volunteer to be the leather strap that is chewed during labor or be made to watch the birthing video (shudder) over and over again.
But there is also something you should never say to a woman - pregnant or not: "Gee, You look pregnant". Partner #3 (aka the reason I'm developing an ulcer) crossed this line the other day.
It was casual Friday. So I wore something a bit more dressed down than usual; dress pants, heels (duh!), a camisole top and cardigan type sweater. The top was blousy and flowed around my middle rather than fitted to my shape. I was standing in Partner #3's office, getting my usual chore list, when he said, "You know, you look pregnant in the top"
I don't know what stopped me from flying over his desk and jamming my pen in his eye, but I managed to maintain control. Maybe it was total shock at his comment, maybe it was the realization that a murder conviction would make my future career choices more narrow. But, the comment hit home and I've been freaking out ever since. After a few minutes, he realized his mistake. He tried to cover up his faux pas by saying he meant that I looked "heathy and glowing" But, it was too late. I had entered "Crazy Chick Lack of Self Esteem Oh My God Someone Thinks I'm Fat" meltdown, Stage 1. It is at this stage were you swear off everything that is enjoyable and vow to eat cardboard for the rest of you life.
I'm not fat. I can say that with certainty. I may not be ready for a Victoria Secret photoshoot, but I'm in pretty decent shape. I still have spots that need work and toning, but I do not look pregnant. No sir, no way, no how. That still doesn't change the fact that someone has hinted that I'm might look round. I know he was just pushing my buttons and trying to piss me off. (It's his MO and always will be) But, the proverbial line has been crossed. He called me fat. (I am by no means stating that pregnant women look fat. There is a difference. In this case he was telling me that I had a large stomach)
Have I mentioned to him that when he stands with poor posture that his stomach sticks out and makes him look like he has a roll above his belt? Have I mentioned that when he lifts he should pay more attention to his shoulder area because it's lacking and makes him look disproportionate? No....I haven't.
But, now I will. The gloves are off!