Wednesday, April 1, 2009

No Foolin' & Owing Debbie

I had planned to get you all with an April's Fool joke. Fancy Pants and I have been racking our brains on how to pull one over on the Partners. The problem is, they all have different ideas on "what is a joke". (Partner #3 doesn't know what one is) We thought we might switch around the guest chairs in their offices. But, one of them might get mad that we went into their office uninvited. I would get the worst end of it because I have the master key. Then we thought we would borrow a "For Sale" sign from a real estate friend I have and put it in front of the building. But, that would backfired because it's a small town. Gossip travels faster then a super highway. I thought it would be funny to tell everyone in the office and all of you that I was pregnant. But, you guys are smart and would have figured it out. Fancy Pants brought it to my attention that Partner #1 is really friendly with my father in law. He would have called him immediately to congratulate him. What a mess that would have been. So there will be no foolin' today.

Going through my old emails last night, I came across one from Debbie at Buzzin' By. To avoid looking like a total asshole, I won't tell you how old it was. In the email were some interview questions that she had asked me and I was a really big asshole and didn't do them yet. Sadly, Debbie has taken a hiatus from her blog. But, her back stories are cute so check her out. Debbie, I'm a big dumb bitch for losing this. Girl, my apologies.

1. Do you have a hero? Who is it and why?: Oh great! You had to start out with a tough one. Embarrassingly, no. I don't have a hero and I'm desperately looking for one. I admire many people, but wouldn't dare to put them in the hero category.

2. What is most important in life? Having people around that care about you.

3. What was your most embarrassing moment? I only get one! I could write a novel on this. One of the worst was my junior year of high school. I had a horrible sinus infection and my nose was chock full of wet boogers. I was giving a presentation in French class and had to stand up in front of the class. Some thing really funny happened ( I can't remember what it was) and I started to laugh. I tried to suppress my laughter by closing my mouth. The laughter ended up coming out my nose in a huge snot bubble. Now that I think back on it, it was really amazing. It was just like a bubble you might blow with gum, but it came out of my nostril in snot. I was mortified.

4. What are three of your guilty pleasures? As you all know, I have many pleasures. Most of them I don't feel guilty about. The only three that come to mind are: 1). Eating 2 boxes of Kraft Mac n' Cheese with cut up hotdogs in it as dinner with a huge glass of red wine. I do this when TH has a dinner meeting and I don't feel like cooking. 2). When I get home from a tough day, I grab a box of of Wheat Thin crackers and a package of deli sliced American cheese. I stand at the counter and slowly make little sandwiches out of them. I put them on a plate and sit down to watch the umpteenth rerun of Sex and the City. This a rare occurrence because I never buy Wheat Thin crackers. I know I'll eat the entire box if I do. 3) When I feeling particularly down about myself, I look at a picture of TH's ex-girlfriend on her company website. She made my life a living hell when Big K and I first got together and I still hate her with all my being. She looks terrible, fat and unhealthy now. It's definitely Karma and I feel like I won him all over again. I know this is totally petty, but I don't care.

5. You've just met someone at a party and you immediately dislike them. Why? It's probably because they're bragging. I can't stand pompous assholes. I also hate it when people are fake. If you can't be real, get outta my way. I'm a no bullshit kinda gal.

There you go, Debbie my darlin'. I'm sorry I slacked. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle.....wait....I think I like that....


  1. Those little packets of "cheese" (for lack of a better word) are like crack. It's "crack cheese"! I could do 2 boxes in a heart beat, minus the hotdogs.

    Isn't Karma great!

  2. HA! I stand at the counter and make little tiny peanut butter and jelly crackers, thinking it's better than eating a whole damn sandwich. Yeah, I end up eating the entire sleeve of Saltines in five minutes. I also do it with cheese and wheat thins, chips and hummus. It's all good!

    Female foes that get really fat and ugly are the best!!!!!!! A bunch of the broads I was letting have it on my blog today are cows, but I couldn't go there on my blog without hurting someone I care about's feelings. Thanks for letting me get it out here!! You're the best ;)

  3. I'll be your hero, I can blow a mean snot bubble too!

  4. Instead of needing a hero, I've been thinking I'd like to have a nemisis. It sounds exilirating and sort of fascinating to have someone who I need to foil every day. I'm still searching. Let me know if you know any asshats that I can hate on.

  5. Oh my god!!! The snot bubble! I must admit it's happened to me as well but it made me a better person....really.

    And I was going to suggest ME as a hero frankly because I'm beyond awesome. Then I read that you don't like people who I'll retract my last statement and just say that I strive for awesomeness.

  6. That snot bubble sounds like a work of art. I'm glad you didn't have to tell your FIL you weren't preggo. Phew.

  7. I will have to tell you about the fabulous April Fools Day joke some friends and I were going to play on The Man but decided we better not if 1) I wanted to remain married 2) They wanted to remain friends with The Man. It was that awesomely bad.