Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Random Tuesday - Homestyle

These "Random Tuesday Thoughts" are brought to you by someone named Keely. I hear she's cool and has a thing for zombies. I would give her a link, but I don't know who or where she is. I copied this from Casey. You should peep her out too. And if someone knows where Keely is, let me know so she doesn't think I'm stealing her deal.

Thank you all for your "you're so not fat" comments. I love you all. Partner #3 is going down.

As for Random Tuesday - This is how things are done in my house:

TH is afraid of the last few pieces on the roll of toilet paper. He refuses to use them. If the roll is getting down to a third, you can be sure there is a new roll waiting on the top of the tank. I'm not sure what is wrong with those last few sheets. They work fine for me. And it's not like we use cheap paper either. I buy the good stuff. Those bear in the woods commercials get me every time.

Recently, I have been told that my boudoir attire has been less than sexy. (i.e. flannel pjs) Hmmmmm. Well, if someone didn't open the window at 2 AM and drop the temperature in the room to 30 degrees I wouldn't need to dress like a Yeti preparing to scale Mt. Everest.

On any given day, at least 7 non-matching socks and 2 pairs of underwear can be found under TH's side of the bed. They're all his and I have no idea how they get there. Even if I clean them out (God Forbid he do it!), they're back again the next day.

Why is it that I only leave my wet and wild vibrator in the guest shower when my brother in law visits? It's not like it could be mistaken for anything else even though it's advertised as a "mini-massager".

Everything in the house must be labeled, cataloged and organized. I am Martha Stuart on crack with OCD. My mother once told me when I was younger, I use to organize the the canned goods in the pantry. I would line up the canned cat food according to flavor. TH claims he can't find anything in the the kitchen. I guess my organizing doesn't help him. My clothes are color coordinated too. I'm not sure why. It doesn't help picking out an outfit any easier. It still takes me 10-15 minutes and four tries to find the right outfit everyday.

No matter how many times a week I vacuum, huge hairballs hanging out under the couch. They lay in wait, only appearing when we have company. It is then that a freak breeze blows and they fly out and attack the feet of whom ever is visiting.

If you come to my house I will try to feed you. Even if you say "no thank you", I will continue to offer you food and drink every 15 minutes or so. So, if you ever come to visit, please come starving. It would make me very happy.

Why is it that I will only step in dog shit when I have bare feet? I can dance all over the backyard in sneakers and there is nary a poop in sight. But, if I remove the sneakers and step off the porch....squish. Happens every time.

Every summer, I sunbathe nude on my back porch. If you are interested and happen to be flying over the area, viewing times are Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings from 10:30-noon. No photos please. My standing contract with Playboy won't allow it.

As we are still in the process of renovating our house (for the last 5 fucking years!!), we currently have no curtains or blinds on any of the windows in the house. Sometimes, during a random act of passion in the kitchen, TH and I forget. I'm sure our neighbors love us. The houses aren't close together and you would really have to look in to see what's going on. But, we have a neighbor who is really nosy. Lucky him! Free porn!


  1. Cool, I just gotta stroll by your house to catch a viewing. Naked on the porch, getting busy in the kitchen. No curtains....hmmmm, I think we have an exhibitionist on our hands. ;) I'm ok with that, I hope Playboy is too.

  2. I might just have to divide my stalking time up between you and Lola.

  3. You're scaring me. I thought I was the only insane OCD keeper of the house. My pantry is meticulous and my closet/dresser are organized by color. The husband merely chuckles when I attempt to organize his closet. You would think since I'm an artist there would be no order. Think again.

  4. Can you come organize my house? Please?

  5. Keely is over at the Un-Mom http://www.theunmom.com/ She is very cool. You should pop over there and register your Random thoughts with her Mr. Linky thing.

    Now, I'll read your post.

  6. You go out and buy your porn but you give it to the neighbors for free. So generous.

    JR and I can't wait until the Boy moves out. It will be a free-for-all!!!! Woo-Hah!!

    All the things in my closet are by color also, are we twins?

  7. Hmm, not sure about the vibrator thing. I left a bottle of lube out one day when my parents were over. I'm hoping they didn't notice since they didn't go all the way into my bedroom.

    Keely is at http://www.theunmom.com/, check her out since she's coolio. Thanks for the shout out. Woot!

  8. I'm a pantry freak, too! People make fun of me for having the nicest room in my house be the pantry. I color coordinate the cans but not the clothes in my closet. A sea of black makes it too difficult to find what I'm looking for, so I go with the casual, sexy, business categories.

  9. Poop is easier to clean off bare feet than out of the crevices of your shoes.