Thursday, April 30, 2009

Another Meaning For Doggy Style

There is nothing better than having crazy, sweaty monkey sex on the couch, floor, kitchen counter, chaise lounge or even the (yawn) bed. You and yours are going at it like teenagers, orgasms are shooting out of you like cannon fire. You've almost crested that pleasure hill, the explosions of delight await you on the other side as you turn your head and see a large jowled drooly face.

Until recently, our dimwitted dog took no interest in our sex life. TH and I could have had an orgy in our bedroom (no that's never happened) and Boxer would have been passed out, snoring in his bed. Only the words "out" "breakfast" "pizza" or "treat" would have budged him. Now phrases like "flip me over and do me from behind" will spring him from his peaceful slumber and having him tap-tap-tapping on the wood floor over to the side of the bed. It is there he will set his enormous head onto the mattress and look up at you with his big, sad eyes. TH and I have add new words into our foreplay that include, but are not limited to: "Mmmmm, yeah that's perfect.........wait a minute..................Boxer, GO LIE DOWN......get into your bed right now!.................okay, where were we." "Oh, Hon you're.............FUCK! GET IN YOUR BED!! GO LIE DOWN RIGHT NOW!! Can you see if he'll listen to you this time? I can't do this while he's looking at me." And so on and so forth. Now, crazy monkey sex has been the stuff of dreams lately. With my sore muscles and TH's insane work schedule, we've been reduced to quickies. Speedy and satisfying. But, it's tough to pound out an orgasm with big eyes and drooling jowls 2 inches from your face.

I'm huge fan of playing "grab ass". Seriously, I cannot keep my hands to myself. TH gets groped more than a stripper during happy hour. If I'm not going for his crotch, I've got my hands on his ass or I'm trying to tweak his nipples (that really annoys him). I chose to do this during the most inopportune times (i.e. he's drinking something, raiding the fridge, feeding the dogs, feeding himself. etc) This usually turns into some sort of wrestling match and sometimes (if I'm lucky!!!) a quickie right on the spot. Boxer has started to recognize these signs and come running over and plants his butt right down, looking up at us. I will confess, I've started messing with him a bit. When TH got home the other night and gave me a hug, I pretended to hump his leg and let out a few "OH YEAH's". Boxer came screaming over from the other side of the room. I laughed and said, "Oh, No....we might have sex....watch out!!!!" I'm twisted like that.

In the past week, things have changed. Now, as soon as the scent of possible nookie is in the air, Boxer gets up from his bed and leaves the room. It's like he's embarrassed. I'm not sure where he goes, but he is gone. When the final orgasm has faded and we're getting our breathing back in order, he returns to the bedroom and lays back down again.

Only in my house do these things happen.

13 comments:

  1. What is it with women and groping? My wife is ALWAYS grabbing at me, yet gets all huffy when I grab at her. So not fair.

    We had a cat that would try to watch us fool around. It got so bad we'd have to lock him in the bathroom.

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  2. Oh it's not just your house! I can't even kiss J without my pitbull trying to get in between us!

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  3. Awww, he needs a little action of his own. Puppy play date?

    lindsay || newyorkwords.net

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  4. What a perv (the dog,not you)

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  5. I've given up trying to clear the dogs off the bed during sex. Now I'm just resigned to it. As long as they don't lick me during...

    Oh hell, who am I kidding? That's why they're there in the first place! ;-)

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  6. Not only at your house. Try to imagine a 1 foot high Corgie trying desperately to jump on the bed/wherever to save his poor momma from being attacked. Puts a crimp on things.

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  7. I don't have a dog, but I DO like to twist MJ's nipples. Boy does that ever piss him off! ROFL

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  8. Oh my GOD!!! Fucking hilarious! We have a Doberman who just can't STAND IT when my hubby even hugs me. He has to get right in on the action. We have to close our bedroom door if anything beyond a hug is taking place.

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  9. I plan on NOT EATING OR SITTING in your house if I ever stop by.
    We have a dog that likes to put her face on the bed during the most inopportune times so part of our foreplay includes crating the dogs.

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  10. HA! He looks so cute. Our dogs never give up, and they can jump onto any piece of furniture. You can lock them out of the room and even put them outside, where they will bark up a storm while smashing their bodies off the french doors. I swear, one of them comes sniffing around if my husband even itches his balls for fear that he might try to get lucky with their mama. We just gave up and learned to make a joke of it.

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  11. I stumbled you. Just because I realized I hadn't done it before. Great post!

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  12. I'll bet he's going to take care of his business while you guys take care of yours.

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  13. Oh helllllssss no! I would never be able to do it with a dog watching! As a former animal hater, I can't even stand having an animal in the room.

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