Things are going well for me in Satan's Workshop. I did end up having my meeting after all. I found out 10 minutes before it happened, so there wasn't time to pop another Tums. I wish that they'd done this to me from the beginning. That way I wouldn't have lost sleep and half my stomach lining Monday night and Tuesday morning due to extreme anxiety. I didn't think that I was going to get fired (although there is always that finger of doubt that runs a nail up your spine) but, I was nervous just the same. The P's have never taken a meeting with me all together. Never! This was enough for my stomach to begin eating itself and part of my esophagus. Then the meeting was cancelled and then it was back on....oh the agony!
But, I made it through, unscathed and with a bit (a tiny, tiny bit) more jingle in my pocket. (Duly earned, lovers. I've never had a raise). I got lots of praise as we gabbed over dinner and I was even (shocker!!!) asked for advice. The P's love me! They really love me! This was the validation that I have been desperately seeking for 2 years!
The only wrinkle in this whole fairy tale was a missing P. The absence of this P made this all a little bittersweet. You see, this P was the one that I really needed to hear most of this stuff from. This P is the one that I need to know had just a tad bit of respect for me. (If you are a faithful reader, you can probably guess which P this is). It would have meant the world to me if this P had just shown up and given a little praise. But, alas, he had "something else to do".
Big K says that I'm taking this a bit too personally. He's right. I know. It's business. It's not personal. But, I can't help it. I give this P everything I've got and he can't even make it to one little dinner that lasted less than two hours? What about the 4 hours that I spent one Sunday putting together a file for him because he need to have it on Monday for a 9 AM meeting? Or when I stay late, work weekends, take calls at night or on weekends or during my free time? Maybe the next time I might have "something else to do". It's so frustrating to feel unappreciated by someone you try to please 150% of the time. My ego, that was pleasantly puffed up by the other P's, is a bit bruised right now. Even if the P had a good reason to miss the dinner, he's had over 12 hours to call me and give me an "Atta Boy". Oh, I've gotten some calls. No "Atta Boy."
I'm trying hard not to pout (this happens) or act like a silly girl (I have a vagina so it's hard to stop sometimes). I'm trying to be a big girl and act professional. But, I'm feeling a bit wounded. It's tough to play with the big boys and not get hurt.
Do any of you guys have some testosterone that you could lend me?