An unprecedented event happened yesterday. An occurrence so odd that my co-workers were left in a state of confusion and wonder.
I went home sick.
This has never happened. In 2 1/2 years of my employment in Satan's Workshop I have never been sick....NEVER. I've hauled my sorry ass in with horrendous hangovers, snot laden allergies and I even showed up after I had minor surgery on my foot. But, yesterday was the worst it's ever been. As I sat at my desk, stoned on medication and coughing up a lung, I began to entertain the idea of going home. It wasn't until an impromptu meeting with Fancy Pants and Partner #1 that it became abundantly clear that I needed to leave. You know how little problems manifest into ginormous problems when you're stressed? Well, that's what happened. I almost mouthed off to Partner #1....in a very non-joking manner. Normally, I am the most mind mannered employee. I verbally bash my co-workers, but in a loving, joking way. Yesterday, I was postal. Crazy is not a good look for me.
I was in my sweats by noon, curled up in a ball on my couch and I did not move (save for bathroom breaks and refilling my juice glass) for 6 hours. I slept in waves and watched old movies. I was a mess. TH was at a loss when he got home. All I wanted was Kraft Mac n' Cheese and apple juice. I lay on the couch in agony. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't get comfortable, nothing would make me happy. When TH is sick, I am the best nurse. I get him whatever he wants, I listen to him complain and I make him anything he wants to eat. He is the biggest baby. When I'm sick, he treats me like I have the plague.
I'm back at the office today, fully drugged and perfumed by Halls Advanced Vapor Action Cough Drops. Sexy. Everyone is giving me a wide berth. Smart men.
The animals that I work with have told me that I need "protein". That will soothe my throat. "Protein" also known as giving a blow job. A little homemade remedy. Now, I've got skills, but there is no way I'm giving head in my condition. I can't even breathe through my nose! Why do men think that this is the cure all, end all for EVERYTHING? From the flu to athletes foot - jizz is the new miracle drug.
Someone did tell me that Halls makes a blow job a bit more fun. Hmmmmm? A little Vapor Action, anyone?