Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Behold, My Randomness.

I'm starting that Random Tuesday thing. Why? 'Cause it's easy, cause I'm cheap and cause I can say a whole bunch of random raunchy stuff and not have to back it up with a whole post.
  • My Brazilian waxer (aka The Wax Natzi) has started using diaper cream as a post-wax soother. The shit works great! It's kinda creepy smelling though. I almost feel as if I've been diapered.
  • I recently had a naughty dream about someone I work with. I enjoyed the dream at the time, but was nearly sick when I woke up. Fuck suppressed desires. There was NO WAY I wanted that! Now, when I see him in the hall I feel gross.
  • I have discovered that I love pomegranate seeds just in time for the pomegranate season to end. Now I can't find them anywhere.
  • I was watching "Friends" re-runs the other day and realized that they never locked their apartment doors. They live in New York. Don't they worry about crime.
  • I have to stop sleeping in so late on Sundays. It feels great, but it fucks up my body clock. I prowl around the house into the wee hours on Monday morning, fully awake and bored outta my mind. Then I have to wake up at 7AM for work. It takes me 2 days to get back in to the swing of things.
  • I have been craving half sour dill pickle spears for 6 solid months. I recently ate an entire jar in one sitting. (FYI - do not do this! You will spend hours in the bathroom afterwards). My favorite lunch spot has the best ones. They have gotten accustom to my ordering a sandwich with a side of 7 pickles.
  • I'm jealous of people who can skateboard. I've tried dozens of times and just can't get the hang of it. I figure if a dog could do it, why can't I?
  • I have signed up for Google Analytic. I'm now obsessed with tracking stuff on my blog. Hello all you lurkers! I see you now!
  • There is a waterspout in the ladies bathroom. I'm assuming that it is meant to be turned on when you clean the floors and it will all flow to the drain in the floor. The cleaning crew doesn't use it and I've been dying to see what would happen if you turned it on. (This is why I should never be alone with a "wet paint" sign) Yesterday, my curiosity got the best of me and I slowly twisted the handle. The foulest smelling, most disgusting, gunky blue water shot out of it and onto the floor.
  • My in-laws got us a super fancy electric toothbrush kit for Valentines Day (we're all about practical gifts. They gave us new windows for the house for TH's birthday). I get turned on when I use it. I'm not quite sure why massaging my gums gets me going, but it works. I'm starting to think anything that vibrates will work for me.


  1. Imagine what that cleaning crew is going to think when they walk in and see a blue spot on the office lady's room floor. They are gonna know it was you since you are the only girl there!

  2. "I have been craving half sour dill pickle spears "

    I was going to say that's what women crave when they're pregnant but I figure you'd know that by now if it's been 6 months.

    I like this random idea.

  3. Hey D: What do you think about a post on Brazilian Waxing -tips, what to look for in our own Wax Natzi - or perhaps a Q & A for those of us too shy (or too freakin scared) to go and have it done. I have been thinking about getting it done though before the big Birthday but I'm a scardie cat.......

  4. Yay for the randomness! Eww for your coworker sex dream.

    I have the vibrating toothbrush and I love it. Uhm, not for THAT reason but since it makes my mouth feel all nice and clean.

    My SIL is a runner and has always used diaper cream to prevent chafing, I thought that was weird but smart.

    Why wouldn't they lock their doors in NYC. Freaks deserve to get stabbed.

    Ok, my word verification was blogamis and I had to cancel it to come and say how cool that word is. I'm a blogamis fool, yo!

  5. Sex dream about a co-worker. I work in a library where most of the men are gay, Eww....

    Diaper cream after a Brazilian is a great idea. I'm going to give it a try.

    So Minty fresh = the Big O. How cool is that?

  6. I've decided that skateboarding is a gene, and that some people just do not possess it. No matter how many times I try, the little board just makes a fool out of me. But I do love pickles. And I'm sort of glad my waxer has not gone baby.

  7. I had a sex dream about someone at work, too. Except I had never met this person, so I just imagined what they looked it.

    It was kinda hot plowing a Maria Tomei-look-alike.

  8. Bella: Everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant. It's embarassing.

    Kat: It's a small spot, but very smelly. I'm going to buy some rubber gloves and clean it up before anyone sees it.

    Morvy: Your wish is my command!

    Casey: HA! Blogamis! Even my verifications are sexual!

    Michele: I wonder if I did the toothbrush and one of the toys. Food for thought....

    Rachel Tamed: I think you're right. People are just born with the gift of skate.

    Badass: You're lucky. I'm still grossed out by mine!!!

  9. I crave pickles too! I also screw up my sleep schedule every freakin weekend.

    Suggestion for the diaper rash cream. Bring your own. Go to the baby section and open every brand until you find some that doesn't smell like the normal stuff. I believe Burt's Bees makes a good one that doesn't smell like baby, and another brand, I just can't recall the name...

  10. If you come over to visit us and Will's diaper cream goes missing shortly thereafter, we'll know why...

  11. As a man, I thank god that we don't have to have anything waxed :)

  12. Um....so did the cleaning crew clean up the gunky blue water???

  13. Seriously ... your verification codes do tend to be sexual. I thought you did that on purpose.

    I like pomegranate seeds also. The first time I bought a pomegranate, I thought you got rid of the seeds and ate the rest. BAD, BAD, BAD mistake. Yech.

    And tell the truth ... you started Random Tuesday because I do it. ;-P

  14. Ha! The dirty work dream...I shudder at the thought because I've had them too. Haven't we all?? And now I'm very happy I work from home!

  15. Dog's can skateboard better than me because they don't wear 3 inch stilettos. I can't skateboard at all because I refuse to take the heels off. Its a battle and I've picked my side.

  16. Shouldn't every day be random? I used to be able to skateboard quite well as a kid, but when I went to show off to my son, I almost broke my ass.

    Congrats on the "toothbrushes"! My teeth have never felt better since I got mine.

  17. Heather: That is an excellent idea. I'm sure I'll get some interesting looks as I'm standing in the aisle, sniffing all the cream.
    Gunky water is still there. I've gotta clean it up. I need gloves first. EEWWWWW!!!

    Daddyfiles: I shoulda grabbed the one in his diaper bag when you guys came over.

    Cameron: Guys are doing it now. Back hair, chest hair and umm....you know where.

    Debbie: I did the same thing when I bought my first one. I had to watch Martha Stuart to figure it out. And yes, I started Randomness because of you. You are my idol! :)

    Aubs: I'm still shuddering.

    Sunday's Pearl: I have to take the heels off? That's why I'm having problems. LOVE LIVE STILLETOS!!!! They may warp our feet, but we look damn good!

    Lola: I love that thing! It's like a "quickie" for my mouth!

  18. i like this list.
    as much as i hate the word "random"...
    it's pretty random.