Every morning, at exactly 6:45 AM, I am awakened by something hard headed and red. It nudges me from from peaceful slumber and makes it impossible to fall back asleep.
We have a woodpecker.
The little fucker has decided that he likes to peck at the metal cap on our chimney. Every day! Weekends are no exception. Did I mention he starts this at 6:45 AM? I kid you not! You could set your watch by him. The noise sounds much like someone is standing on our roof shooting a machine gun down our chimney.
Of course, this wakes us up, which wakes the dogs up, which means they now have to go outside. I'm huddled under the covers pretending that I'm sleeping thru the chaos in our room. Big K begrudgingly gets up, stomps down the stairs and lets the dogs out the back door. All the while, the pecker is beating his dense head against the chimney cap.
Now picture this, TH....out of the back porch wearing only a t-shirt.....in 30 or below weather with a dusting of snow....throwing rocks at our roof to scare the fucking pecker off. This is the show that gets me out of bed. There is nothing sexier than my husband, in a heavy metal t-shirt, his willy flying free and loose, in freezing weather, throwing pebbles up on the roof of a two story farmhouse while screaming "Cut the shit, you little fucking cocksucker".
Wouldn't you like to be our neighbor?