Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hello 32, It's Me. Please Don't Tell Anyone We Met Today.

32 years ago today at precisely 11:22 am, I popped out of my mothers WooHA and into this big crazy world. Yes, lovers, today is B Day. The day that the world celebrates me.

I hate my birthday. I hate it with a vengeance. Not for the obvious reasons: I'm getting older, I'm closer to death than I was last year, I'm getting old, Fat doesn't melt off my body as quickly as it did 5 years ago, I'm getting older.....yada yada yada. I don't care about that. Those factors are uncontrollable. It's just that ever since I was old enough for birthdays to count (that would be 13 and up), I have never had a good birthday. No ones ever thrown me a huge surprise party or any party for that measure, I've never gotten that awesome present and ever since I moved out of my parents house, I've never had someone make me a cake. Ever year it gets worse. It's like Fate is trying to out do herself every year. Let's see what she can do this year to really piss me off. Last year was no different. TH forgot my birthday. The first year of marital bliss and my husband forgets it's my birthday. He tried to stick a band aid on the catastrophe by stating that he had remembered weeks before when he bought me the concert tickets as a gift, but didn't remember to actually give them to me on this particular day. This was after he came home from the office extra late that night. After he raged for 1/2 hour about his terrible day as I sat on the couch listening like the dutiful wife all the while thinking, "Did he really forget it's my birthday or is this some crazy plot that will end up in a surprise." No surprise. Only a horrified look in his eyes after I asked him if he knew what day it was. It took about 10 seconds for him to come around to full panic. He had committed the ultimate sin and I haven't let him forget it. Payback is a mean bitch.

I have decided to let this day pass by without any fanfare. I don't think any of my guys know it's my birthday and I seriously doubt if any of them care. Fancy Pants knows and I have threatened him with bodily harm not to tell anyone. I even threatened to hire a stripper for his next birthday. The look for fear in his eyes was wonderful. He knew I would do it too. I told him that he would probably make me cry if he told. He told me that he just might because he's never seen me cry before and was wondering if I knew how.

I'm celebrating this day for myself. I'm gonna eat a big nasty BLA(Bacon, Lettuce and Avocado) sandwich with a huge side of pasta salad for lunch. I'm gonna have a cupcake with cream cheese frosting and a side of half sour pickle spears (don't's my thing. I don't actually eat them together). Then I'm gonna work off all those calories with a huge kickboxing class and then eat a big ole plate of sushi for dinner.

Oh...and TH knows. I've reminded him every day for the past week.


  1. Happy Birthday Darlin'!!!!!

    My kids forgot my B-day 4 years ago. They are still paying the price. Some wounds take longer to heal. I gave birth to those little bastards (without medication the least they could do is remember.

    Go for the tuna roll. If ever I was going to eat meat again I'd gorge myself in tuna rolls.

  2. Happy Birthday!

    I haven't had good luck with my birthday in recent years, but I learn to deal with it. It's just one day.

  3. Happy Birthday! Hope it doesn't suck!

  4. Happy Birthday Chica. If I was there I would totally throw you a surprise birthday party at the best Sushi joint in town.

  5. Happy Birthday Diamond! If I lived near you I would bake you a cake and put a candle in it! Today is also my husband's 'unofficial' birthday. One year ago today-we almost lost him to a blood clot in his lungs (32 yrs. old). So, maybe all your birthday luck in the past years is going to other people - in that case - thanks!
    Here's wishing you a great day!

  6. Happy Birthday! May all your future birthdays make up for the less than spectacular ones in the past.

  7. Happy, happy! You should have told me. We could have met for drinks, and I would have brought you a cake! Do try to enjoy your day, and hopefully the man will make up for last year!

  8. Firstly, Happy Birthday.

    Now that THAT's out of the way, let's address the big b-day plans. A relatively healthy lunch and a workout class followed by a healthy dinner?!

    Belly up to the bar babe! Let loose...while you're still young! We want some exciting drunken birthday stories in the a.m.! :)

  9. Happy Birthday!!

    I haven't had the best of luck with my birthday since I was about 12 either. My parents forgot my 14th, 16th, 17th and 21st birthdays. My husband couldn't remember when my birthday was for the first 4 years of marriage (the fact that it's a week before our anniversary is beside the point apparently).

    Big K had better not forget to do something for you for this birthday ...even if it's just arranging your sushi on the plate for you.. otherwise I'll fly down there myself and kick his ass.

    So...lose the healthy workout and sushi crap, pour yourself a drink and eat some cake (store bought's easier).

    Happy Birthday!!

  10. Happy birthday!! And good call on the low key play. Maybe Big K can whip you (that's what she said)...up a good meal this weekend, or take you out.

  11. Well I showed up a day late, sorry. I celebrated the big 3-2 a few weeks back and it was uneventful. Hopefully Big K remembered this year?

  12. I'm late ... but happy Birthday!!!

    I don't think I can even remember being 32. Sigh.