Friday, March 27, 2009

Ornery or Horny - Which One Is Me?

On Thursday, during a heated conversation, Partner #1 had the urge to call me "ornery". Granted, I had been a bit testy in the morning due to my sudden withdrawal of all things lard and sugar before I slammed down a BLT for lunch and re-coated my stomach with fat. But, ornery? My surprised pout prompted him to remove the insult from the table and replace it with "feisty". But the barb sank in deep as I raced to my office to Google up the right definition. I may not have two fancy, schmacy degrees from the University of Holier Than Thou and the College of I'm Always Right, but I can Google up information like a motherfucker.

Ornery: having an irritable disposition - CANTANKEROUS.

Moi....Irritable? Me....cantankerous? I don't think so. So I may have a slight headache from a weekend diet of fat, sugar, fat, cream, fat, grease, and cheese. So, I might have thrown up halfway thru my kickboxing class on Wednesday night. And I might, just might, be totally twisted up in knots after a conversation with Partner #3 in which he was his cruel, nasty self. (I plan on talking to him about this particular incident today. He hit below the belt this time). Life as the Devils' bitch is not always peaches and creme.

But, lets return to Partner #1 for a minute. HE described ME irritable. Let's just turn the mirror around and give him a quick look at his reflection. While he can be a very sweet guy (not including the Lady in Black incident, which still bothers me), he is the most moody person in the office. (I don't include Partner #3 in the pool. Satan doesn't have moods, he's just pure evil.) Due to the volatile nature our office, I understand there can be a little crankiness now and then. I get a little testy sometimes. The economy blows and we're all stressed. But, Partner #1 is the most cantankerous of them all. I have to constantly take his temperature. But, he's a clever one....a real poker face. He has this serene look on his face even when he's feeling evil. But, I have figured out his tell. The Vein. He's got this vein on the side of his head that pulses when he's in his moody state. If you walk in his office and that vein is throbbing, head for the nearest exit. Whatever news you have, whatever answers you seek will have to wait. Office PMS has struck. Further conversations will get you nowhere. And while he doesn't make me want to burst into tears (Partner #3 has the handle on that), he can be rather frustrating and a little bit mean when he's fallen into these moods. It's almost like I'm working with a bunch of broads again.

Maybe I was a bit feisty, maybe a tad irritable but I have reason. Not only am I going thru sugar and lard withdrawal, I think I'm going thru sex withdrawal, too. Ya'll know how testy I get when I'm horny. It's been a week.....yes....a week. With travel, bad food and lack of sleep I haven't even had time to enjoy myself. I have a vibrator in my purse and I have yet to use it. What is wrong with this picture and how to I explain that to my boss?

10 comments:

  1. Dial up some free internet porn, and bust out the vibe on your lunch break. You deserve it.

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  2. Hahaha, you have a vibrator in your purse? Aren't you afraid it's going to get lint and other bottom of the purse materials stuck on it?

    I love that you figured out the vein, I never would have caught onto something like that. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black if he's usually the cranky pants. Buy him a box of Tampax and tell him to shutty.

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  3. Guys can be as moody as women they just think of it as expressing their opinion. Like it gives bitchiness validation.

    I'm right with you there on the no sex thing and getting a little edgy about it. I have serious plans for JR this weekend.

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  4. Forgot to mention...I love your new header.

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  5. Case: Of course, I have a vibrator in my purse. Don't you?

    Michele: Ah yes, weekend sex. Big K is in trouble on Sunday morning.

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  6. How did you go away on vacation and not have sex? Especially when you were gawking at "hot rednecks" all day and working yourself up?? I've already eaten two sandwiches and I've only been in Jersey for 24 hours!

    He needs to man up and you need to jump him or crank up the Internet porn.

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  7. Men are such bitches!!!

    Well, I have a vibe in my enormous purse, but it's kind of by accident. I threw it in there so I would remember to put batteries in it, totally forgot it was in there until one day at work I found it and started cracking up. That was two weeks ago, and it's still in there with dead batteries. How sad is that?

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  8. Daddyfile: Oh wow, 2 sandwiches. I had you beat before I even hit the airport. Man up and chow down!

    Lola: I knew I loved you. How awesome is it that you have a vibe your purse too. Good girl!

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  9. You work for Satan? How cool is that ;) Seriously, don't all men have PMS all the time?

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