- The finally tally on my weekend binge eating was 13 Corndogs, 10 Krispy Kreme donuts and 5-6 tons of barbecue type food. I have started to detox already. I have only gained 3 pounds after stuffing my pie hole for four days but I feel disgusting. I also have a splitting headache from sugar withdrawal. I can't believe I did that to myself.
- I noticed that you have to specifically ask for "unsweetened" ice tea in the South. If you don't, you get "Sweet Tea". It is the most vile, nasty, sugary stuff in the world. TH loves it. He drank at least 5-6 gallons of it while we were there and thus, he peed every 12 minutes. We don't have Sweet Tea up north. Thank God. That stuff is gross.
- I stick out like a sore thumb in the South. Every girl down there looks like she has been attacked by the make up ladies at Bloomingdale's. I don't wear lots of make up; maybe a little bronzer, mascara and blush. And I certainly didn't get all gussied up to go to a race track. These girls are made up like beauty pageant contestants. They definitely abide by the rule of "putting your face on before you leave the house."
- You also need to have a fake tan in the South. Everyone is bronze. There is a tanning center at every corner. My pasty, winter white, Irish skin introduced me as a Northerner before I even opened my Yankee mouth. Of course, the results of the fake baking was clear as day on the older generations. Half of the women had skin like a lizard handbag.
- And finally, you must have big hair in the South. The bigger the better. I stepped into the ladies room at one restaurant and was overcome by the hairspray these women were using. If the hairs not big, it's sprayed, gelled or shellacked up into some God awful creation. These women must have spent hours getting ready. All I did was shower, throw my hair in a baseball cap and hit the road.
- Every single food franchise is represented on Route 11E in Johnson City, TN. I've never seen so many fast food places in my life.
- There seems to be a contest amongst everyone to see how much stuff you can fit on your front porch. It was not uncommon for people to have 2-3 appliances, a couple of couches and even a bathtub on their front porch.
- Beer is sold at convenience stores. Liquor and wine are sold at "liquor stores". This confuses the hell outta me. I went to a gas station/convenience store that has a "Beer Cave". There is another convenience store that you can pull up to a drive thru window and order a keg, a bucket of chicken and other assorted items. They'll just pass them thru and you never have to leave your car.
- There are no gyms or fitness centers. I couldn't find one. It seems that being healthy is not a priority. Alcohol, lard and nicotine are first and foremost. Everyone smokes. Yet, every facility is non-smoking. You have to walk thru a smoke screen to get in a restaurant.
- Southern men are just gorgeous.....the ones that are in shape from some manual labor or just blessed with good genes. They all drive huge pickups and wear jeans and work boots. I spent a majority of the weekend with very damp panties. I love me a good Roughneck
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Random Tuesday - Southern Style
Due to my recent vacation down to Tennessee, I thought I would hit you all up, Southern style