Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Random Tuesday - Will It Ever End?

  • My Gyno attends the same gym as I do. I found this out on Sunday. He furthered the embarrassment by coming over to say "hi" when he saw me. This is not someone I want to associate with in the outside world. The man has seen my goodie box.
  • I have been informed that if I would like to commit arson, I should use a tampon as a starter. Apparently it leaves no trace. How I come by this information is a secret and if I told ya, I'd have to kill ya.
  • There are 22 treadmills at my gym. Even if they are all empty, some schmuck always has to use one right next to me. Buddy, there are 21 machines to pick from. Why are you on top of me?
  • I need to alert you all to the fact my husband is a sex God. Seriously, the man is a genius. I don't know if his brilliance is due to the massive amount of porn he has watched over his lifetime or just a gift. But, I don't care. Thank God I married him before some unappreciative women snagged him.
  • Have you ever seen someone driving down the road with their car covered in so much snow it looks like an igloo except for the tiny holes carved out on each window? It's probably me. I do not have the patience to scrape every last inch of snow off my car. My theory is: The car gets hot from driving. It will melt.
  • I didn't write anything on Thursday or Friday of last week. I was recovering from my really grumpy hangover on Wednesday and feared that I would write something that would get me killed or fired.
  • I need to start remembering to clear my Google history every day. If anyone ever check my computer they would be horrified. I have a curious nature. Every time I have a question, I Google it. My mind is a gutter. The questions are never good.
  • Last month I successfully pulled every muscle in my body.


  1. I Google everything, too. It's an addiction.

  2. "They" should invent some sort of motion detecter minimizer. It would by detecting body heat other than your own...I bet alot of people would buy that!
    Nice Randoms...looking forward to reading more!

  3. It's little wonder he's a sex God considering the huge stockpile of porn you guys keep over there. Don't you have several rubbermaid tubes of the stuff? LOL! I try to refrain from having anything inappropriate on my screen at work. Makes life simpler that way. You can set your internet options to clear your history every night. Then you won't have to remember.

  4. I tend to google strange things as well...it is such a wonderful little tool...but anyone veiwing my history would think that I am obsessed with monkey attacks, cholera, the effects of long-term radiation poisoning, decomposition in humans, decomposition in rats, how to burn a body, union organizing...etc.

    God, I hope my gyno never comes to my gym. And I have the answer for that pesky person next to you: listen to something really obnoxious on your ipod. Loud. Think Pussycat Dolls. They will move on. Or dance.

  5. Badass: See, it is for those reasons that we were meant for each other!

    Peggy: Thanks girl! I try to think up bizarre things every week.

    Michele: Tubs and Tubs of the stuff. We could open our own video store. We really need to put some of it in storage. Maybe I should run an contest and give some out as prizes....

    Rachel Tamed: Instead of dancing, I should sing along with my iPod. I have some songs on there that would be totally inappropriate!

  6. Really I think all Gynos should be kept in a giant compound somewhere and only let out to keep their appointments. Then they can all socialize with each other and save us the embarrasment.

  7. That would creep me out if my gyno were at my gym. Actually, I love mine but she's a she and doesn't creep me out in the least.

    That empty place/right next to you thing also applies to public seating and waiting rooms. Back the fuck up people.

    Hit the Windows key and d and it'll minimize like a mofo.

  8. MadWoman: I like to pretend mine lives at his office and never leaves.

    Casey: Aren't you a smart girl! I didn't know that trick! Thanks!

  9. I saw my doctor naked once at the gym. It was wrong, all wrong.

  10. I ran into my Primary Care doctor the day after he felt up my boobs during a breast exam. Me? Beet red.

  11. Ah, the Google Gods. They have an answer for everything don't they?!? I ran into my "fun doctor" at a restaurant once...needless to say I immediately lost my appetite.

  12. I'd love to have the ear of a gyno outside of the office setting. If you put my gyno on a treadmill next to me, I'd find out EVERYTHING heinous about her job. Mine's a hot shit, though.