Monday, March 2, 2009

A New Meaning For Morning Wood

Every morning, at exactly 6:45 AM, I am awakened by something hard headed and red. It nudges me from from peaceful slumber and makes it impossible to fall back asleep.

We have a woodpecker.

The little fucker has decided that he likes to peck at the metal cap on our chimney. Every day! Weekends are no exception. Did I mention he starts this at 6:45 AM? I kid you not! You could set your watch by him. The noise sounds much like someone is standing on our roof shooting a machine gun down our chimney.

Of course, this wakes us up, which wakes the dogs up, which means they now have to go outside. I'm huddled under the covers pretending that I'm sleeping thru the chaos in our room. Big K begrudgingly gets up, stomps down the stairs and lets the dogs out the back door. All the while, the pecker is beating his dense head against the chimney cap.

Now picture this, TH....out of the back porch wearing only a t-shirt.....in 30 or below weather with a dusting of snow....throwing rocks at our roof to scare the fucking pecker off. This is the show that gets me out of bed. There is nothing sexier than my husband, in a heavy metal t-shirt, his willy flying free and loose, in freezing weather, throwing pebbles up on the roof of a two story farmhouse while screaming "Cut the shit, you little fucking cocksucker".

Wouldn't you like to be our neighbor?

10 comments:

  1. Can I be your neighbor because I'd love to see that show. LOL! I'll cook and Big K can provide entertainment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awesome! I think for his next performance Big K needs to involve a BB gun.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not necessarily to see Big K's junk, but if you were the topless sort, I wouldn't mind!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my god!!!! We have the same damn problem except it's a cardinal that continuously flies into our window during the early morning hours. The husband went and bought a b.b. gun to remedy the problem.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That's the kind of thing Hotty Hubby would do! And I would LOVE to be your neighbour. Oh the show every morning.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I thought this post was going in a whole different direction (I took your bait) and I was wondering if you were one of those weird morning sex people. If so, how the hell can you do it without having to get up an pee first? And with morning breath? I may have gotten off track here.

    Please take a picture of the next pecker-chasing event. I'm sure it would be lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Going outside with no covering-up of the junk? Brr.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Woodpeckers? Are those real? We have mourning doves. They sound like pigeons.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yep, been there, done that. Mockingbirds are incredibly annoying, too. Ear plugs is all I've got for advice.

    ReplyDelete