Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Will Sell Husband For Two Loaves Of Bread & A Bagel

We have gone nearly carb free in our household.  After TH went was forced to the doctor for physical because I got so annoyed with his slovenly behavior and became fearful he may have a heart attack at any moment so I called to make an appointment for him it was that time of year.  Sure enough, he needs to lose 50 a few pounds.  After gracefully doing the "I told you so" dance around the kitchen floor, I paused during a pirouette and asked how the doctor planned for him to lose weight.  "Lower my carb intake" he said.


Those who are married, engaged or in a dedicated relationship with someone knows what happens next.

Um...yeah...I've got to go carb free too.

No punishment is more cruel than stuffing your pie hole with pasta while your beloved is choking down brown rice (I know it's not carb free - baby steps, people).  I couldn't continue my macaroni loving ways while TH was struggling with salad.

I won't pretend that I'm perfect.  The winter weather and my inability to pry my ass out of bed on a dark and frozen morning to run, may have allowed a few pounds to adhear to my frame.  Thankfully, the weather man has promised a few days in the 50's right after we get a nasty wet snowstorm threatening to dump 4-5 inches on us overnight.  Yes, here in New England we like to have a temperature swing of 40 degrees.  Freezing one day, sunny and warm the next.  Come move here and join us in the challenge of dressing each day.  But, I digress.

We have eliminated the pasta (we've gone to wheat pasta, but please don't tell the doctor) and bake potatoes.  There are minimal snacking options in the cabinet and TH is no longer allowed to make everything into a sandwich for dinner.  The man is Joey from "Friends." He will make a sandwich out of mac n'cheese if I don't watch him.

But, the greatest tragedy in this whole diet mess which is totally TH's fault and I'm blaming him for my pain is the lack of bread.  I LOVE bread.  Crispy baguettes, dinner rolls and crusty french bread.  If not stopped, I will make love to a ciabatta loaf and a bottle of olive oil.  Kinky, but it's my thing.  Carbs fill my life.

I also love sweet bread.  Lemon poppyseed bread, slightly warmed with sweet cream butter is delicious enough to make me forget sex for a moment or two.  Banana bread is another fav.  I searched years for a decent banana bread recipe.  Then, quite by surprise, I was looking through an old computer and found a file containing this recipe.  You always think you're going to find porn (and usually do) when cleaning out a former employees computer.  Instead, I found the best recipe for banana bread.

Enjoy, lovers.  Just because I'm suffering, doesn't mean you have to!

Banana Bread

Makes (2) 7x3 inch loaves or 1 bundt cake

1 cup mashed bananas (3 overripe bananas)
1 cup sour cream
½ cup butter
1 1/3 cups white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
Optional: 1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour pan(s)

Combine banana and sour cream. In a separate bowl cream butter and sugar. Add vanilla. Add 1 egg at a time and beat well. Mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add to butter mixture until just combined. Blend in banana mixture. Gently fold in blueberries. Spread batter into prepared pan(s)

Bake for 50 minutes or until bread tests done. (1 ½ hour in metal pans.)

1 comment:

  1. Oh the humanity! Giving up bread for your other half is love right there.