Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Tale of Back Fat and Her Friends

Not one of her friends pulled her aside before they left the house and told her it was not okay to wear a strapless top with a bra that wasn't. The grainy photo does not do justice to the slabs of back and side fat that oozed over the straps. It also doesn't highlight the mass of untamed back acne that plagued her shoulders and spine area.

It was wrong. Just plain wrong. Putting aside the fact that TH dragged me out to see a Led Zeppelin cover band 2 hours away from our house and I was made to listen to them for 2 1/2 hours. This was my view for a majority of the show.

She and her friends sat and cackled the entire show as they munched on cheesecake (it was a dinner theater type show) and made fun of this women who decided that she was just drunk enough to stand in front of the stage and do the head bobbing dance of the very intoxicated. What was so intriguing to Back Fat and her friends was that Drunkie was dressed....well lets just say....rather provocatively. She was wearing a strappy, very low cut, lime green top that barely contained her D cup breasts. She sparkled with stripper glitter and every bob of her head bounced her "girls" so violently they threatened to spill out. She did look cheap and she did look sleazy. Sure she was a bit old to be rocking that look, but she could pull it off. Back Fat and her friends sneered jealously in her direction.

I will sheepishly admit I have acted like Back Fat and her friends. But, I do have just cause in my actions. Take for example this chick who frequents my kickboxing class. The girls and I make fun of her. Why? Because she smells and wears short shorts. It is necessary to mock a girl who farts during warmup routines and smells like she ate dead ass for lunch. These are not loud farts that give quick shock to the nostrils and the smell dissipates. This is a stench that sits in the room like a hot fog. It is also necessary to jeer at her when she is wearing tiny shorts that make it possible to see her hairy cooch as she executes a roundhouse kick.

It should be duly noted that we also sing "Rehab" under our breath when we walk by this woman who bears a striking resemblance to Amy Winehouse. While most of us dress conservatively for our workouts, this woman dresses up with ten pound of trashy jewelry, ratty hair and hot pink lipstick. She is a trainwreck. All that's missing is the tattoos

I though that these would be nice visuals for your Thursday morning. I wish I had photos to share. I will continue my high road and try to be less like Back Fat and her friends. No one likes a catty broad.

11 comments:

  1. Ha, backfat and smelly farts. I know exactly the fart you speak of, it permeates every inch of the room and just stays there so there's no escaping it.

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  2. I like a catty broad once in a while ;)

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  3. And this is why I like to go out to party with gay men. They will never let you leave the house with back fat or a fashion faux pas. When you go out with a gay man you are a reflection of them, when you go out with other women, you are competition ;)

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  4. OHMYGOD. There is nothing that grosses me out more than women who can't SMELL THEMSELVES. Shove a fucking Glade plugin up your ass for heavens sake. Plus, nobody wants to see a hairy cooter. Cover it up, bitches.

    As for Back Fat, I think I saw the same girl in Austin a couple weekend ago. Nothing says classy like a strapless top with a bra.

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  5. Strapless top with a bra became a fashion statement when? Some peoples fashion sense leaves a lot to be desired.

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  6. There is a girl in my daughter's class who has so much back fat she looks like she has a second set of boobs on her back. I can't believe some of the clothes she wears. I know I shouldn't think poorly of her and I wouldn't exept she's a bully and a bitch.

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  7. Real friends will tell you if you look like an overstuffed sausage. What I wanna know is if the other women talked about Ms Back Fat when she left for a potty break...or did they all go together and hold hands?

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  8. How sad...these poor women can't afford a mirror...

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  9. i feel like i've missed something. I go away and come back to a copyright warning!

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