Tuesday, July 28, 2009

RRT - Prostituting Myself, Pussy Cats & Lee Ann Rimes Is A Skank

This weather blows. I know we were complaining when it rained all the time. Now we're complaining that it's hazy, hot and humid. It's oppressive. We don't have central A/C at Casa de Mistress Serena and I hate how loud the window units are. So, we've been toughing it out for the past couple days.

Have you ever spoken on the phone with someone who has a British accent only to find yourself unconsciously mimicking their accent after awhile. Very embarrassing. The woman actually stopped talking for a second and asked me if I was from the UK. I told her it must have been a bad connection.

Have you ever noticed that when you eat something extremely fattening, you must follow it up with a dessert that has an equal or greater number of calories than the meal?

Last Friday I need chocolate so bad I was willing to prostitute myself to anyone in the office if they would run to the store and get me a gourmet candy bar. Thankfully, no one was around for me to ask and I saved myself the humiliation and possible sexual harassment suit.

I had a cavity filled this morning. The dentist decided to take the "better be safe, than sorry " route with the Novocaine, thus numbing the entire right side of my face, including the right side of my tongue. For 3 hours afterwards, I looked like a stroke victim and I even drooled a bit. I couldn't answer the phone and all the associates kept trying to make me say "pussy cat" which came out as "puthy that" Then they would laugh and I would tell them to "Thut the Thuck Up".

My mother informed me that there will be a huge family party in Ohio when we arrive for the triathlon on Friday. My sister and I are in training and will not be able to drink. So I've decided we should get my mother drunk instead. Drunk Mom is hysterical!

We will be staying at my grandparents gorgeous lake house in Jackson, Ohio for one night. My grandparents are super healthy and eat things that even I won't touch - like Bran Nuts (EWW!!!) I told my mother I'm packing a box of pasta just in case. I'm sure my aunts house in Cleveland will have food.....I hope.

I am thrilled that Lee Ann Rimes and her husband split up. Dirty bitch! You leave another womans husband alone! Forget the fact that you are a terrible actress and ruined a fabulous Nora Roberts character. I know it takes two to tango, but you're still a whore.

That's a wrap, lovers!

7 comments:

  1. That Lee Ann is a harlot.

    Family party without alcohol. Girl. That's gonna be a tough one. Good luck.

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  2. I love my window unit AC, noise and all. Anything that makes me feel less like a moldy tree stump.

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  3. Just imagine living around British people. Yeah.

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  4. I pick up NY accents every time, I can't help it. You're right about LeAnn, stupid hoebag.

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  5. I've already started in on the whole Texas accent thing. It bites because now I sound like a dumbass. Sorry Capt.

    Your mom drinks? My mom acts like it will kill her. Family parties can not be attended sober. I'm just sayin' Damn with the Texas thing.

    Don't mess with Nora. We'll have to hurt her!

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  6. Family parties are way more grueling than a triathalon. Save yourself and drink!

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